


A Heart On The Mend

by FirithAriel



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Cheating, F/M, Hospitals, Miscarriage, Sort of a Grey's Anatomy!AvengersAU, Unplanned Pregnancy, fuck buddies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-15 16:52:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 23,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13617597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FirithAriel/pseuds/FirithAriel
Summary: Faith and Loki are fuck buddies. Someone who was there when no one else was.When Faith was fucking around with a married man who all of the sudden decided to grow a conscience right after his wife got pregnant with twins. When Loki was cheated on by his fiancée only a couple of weeks before their wedding.It is a comfort thing and they were perfectly fine with it, why make it complicated with a baby? It's ridiculous!





	1. How did I fall in love with you?

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this story almost 10 years ago, during my med school internship, obviously for a very different fandom. But decided to bring it back, revamp it a bit and throw most of the Avengers in it xD Yes, it's going to be sort of OOC.  
> I have no idea how the day/night shifts system works in your hospitals, so I made it work with my own schedules.  
> Dr. Faith Ashley is a surgeon, she works mostly 8am to 5pm and has one night shift per week, and weekends every 6 weeks or so.  
> I'm about to use some technical language, so if you don't get them, try google or ask me, even if I'll try to be as clear as possible with this.

It was early. In fact it was _too_ early.  
Too early for the alarm to be singing that loudly on a Sunday morning, but apparently weekends do not exist when you work in a hospital. Faith growled and attempted to sink deeper in the mattress, regretting spending the night over at Loki’s, he was the one working, not her, and yet the alarm was waking her up too.

“Loki, turn that damn thing off and get up.” She mumbled half asleep. Loki said nothing, and the annoying ringing was shut off. “Get up.” Faith nudged him at feeling Loki’s arm curl up around her waist, resuming its previous position.

“It’s still early.” Loki whispered against the bare skin of her shoulder, adding a few kisses that turned into nibbles as he pressed his body closer to hers.

Faith sighed. “Thor is going to kick your ass if you’re late again.”

“I took precautions this time.” He said with a smirk she didn’t see, his hand slid under her tank top and she rolled over to face him.

“What kind of precautions?” She asked amused.

“What time is it?” He said kissing her neck and her jaw. Faith looked over the clock and noticed it was 7am. Sunday shifts started at 9. “We have time… plenty of time.” He said as he hovered over her and kissed her hard.

.-

A little over an hour later, Loki was in the shower and Faith was in the kitchen making breakfast. Or trying, as the smell of the coffee was making her sick. In fact every scent present in that kitchen was making her nauseated. It wasn’t exactly weird: for the last few weeks Faith had felt the same morning sickness that prevented her from having anything to eat before lunch. She held her belly and took a deep breath right before Loki entered the kitchen, and shrugged it off.

“Morning, again.” He said kissing her cheek and grabbing his coffee mug. “Aren’t you eating?”

“Too early, I just wanna go back to bed.” Faith said rubbing her face.

“Are you feeling okay?” Loki asked. “You’re pale.”

“It’s 8am on a Sunday and you want me to have some color?” She said turning away from him and took another deep breath before the bile in her stomach decided to burst out.

Loki kept staring at her, but didn’t ask anything else.

A while later, he was gone and Faith sunk back in bed, thinking. She knew what was wrong with her: she was a physician, for fuck’s sake. She didn’t need anyone pointing out the obvious pregnancy symptoms. She actually wondered how Loki hadn’t noticed already.

Faith clutched her belly again. Being pregnant opened a whole lot of personal dilemmas: all of them having to do with being a single 34 years old woman without a serious relationship. Because, okay, Loki was there and he wouldn’t bail out of parenthood, right?  
But what were they?

Nothing.

And everything.

Best friends and confidants. Fuck buddies. Someone who was there when no one else was.  
When Faith was fucking around with a married man who all of the sudden decided to grow a conscience right after his wife got pregnant with twins.  
When Loki was cheated on by his fiancée only a couple of weeks before their wedding.  
When both of them obviously still had feelings for their exes.

Who else could possibly understand the whole situation? No one, just them. It was a comfort thing and they were perfectly fine with it, why make it complicated with a baby? It was ridiculous.

And there was another… reason… that kept her from telling Loki. Even if she was a surgeon, someone bound to think and act by facts, she was still a woman driven by her instincts. Faith had learned to trust her gut when she was still in med school and her OB internship showed her that women’s instincts when it comes to their babies are never wrong. Steve was an OB and he’d tell her about his supernatural moms every week.  
Her gut was talking to her, in a cold and empty language that kept her from even going to the store and get a fucking pregnancy test.

But she had pushed that moment away for too long, 9 weeks was too long and she needed an answer.

It was already past noon when Faith left Loki’s house, heading to her own. The detour to the store took less than five minutes and when she arrived to her apartment, she ripped the box open. Following the simple instruction and waiting a few minutes, Faith confirmed what she already knew.

The test was flashing positive and she had run out of excuses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is always appreciated!  
> You can also yell at me on my [tumblr](http://fadingcoast.tumblr.com/) and/or [twitter](https://twitter.com/FadingCoast)!!


	2. Fix you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Presenting Peter Parker as the med student.

Faith stared at the board blankly. She only had one surgery that morning, a 57 years old woman with lung cancer and her chest full of liquid.  
It shouldn’t be too long, Faith said to herself. Just put a tube in her pleura and that’s it. Maybe she would add tetracycline too to prevent the fluids from collapsing the lungs again. The blood tests weren’t that great, but she would use local anesthesia.

“Why do you always get the easy ones?” Dr. Clint Barton startled her, sipping his black coffee. Faith felt ill at the smell.

“Cause Stark is an asshole who doesn’t let me do laparoscopies.” She deadpanned, taking a deep breath to shrug the sickness away.

“I’ll trade you mine any day!” Clint chuckled and emptied his cup. He put a hand on her shoulder sympathetically before walking away.

Faith rolled her eyes and went to scrub in. The patient was already in the OR and Dr. Maximoff, one of the anesthesiologists, was sleeping her.

“Morning, Ash!” Wanda greeted her and Faith gave her a small smile. “You’ll be using local, right?” She asked. “Cause these blood tests are a nightmare!”

“Yes, and I know.” Faith said. “There’s no much left to be done for her, it kind of sucks.” She added with a shrug. “Where is my intern, by the way?” She asked, looking around the room. As if on cue, Peter ran inside.

“Sorry, sorry.” He said with a sheepish smile. Faith looked at him blankly. “I got caught up upstairs by Dr. Stark.”

“Scrub in, Parker. You’re the only one helping me today.”

“Awesome!” He couldn’t stop himself from saying and went to wash his hands. Faith rolled her eyes at his enthusiasm and checked on the patient one last time.  
10 minutes later everything was ready and Peter was happily injecting lidocaine.

“5th space, mid-axillary line.” He muttered while instilling the anesthetic. Faith looked at him, guiding his hands.

“Okay, skin ready, go for the muscle now.”

Peter pushed the needle further in, making sure to avoid the intercostal artery. 30 seconds to let the lido work…

“Right, let’s do this.” Faith said taking a blade. “Get the tweezers and help me, Parker.” The boy did as commanded and got hold of the skin layer after Faith cut a hole right between 2 ribs. She kept cutting until she reached the pleura. “Culture tube…” She ordered, poking the pleura with a needle and getting a fluid sample. “Okay, pleural tube.”

As soon as the tube was inside the patient’s lung, liquid started coming out, dark red and thick, as malignant fluids were supposed to be. Faith sighed and told Peter to start sewing the woman’s cut, making sure the tube wouldn’t move.

That’s when one of the alarms went off.

“What’s wrong?” Faith asked Wanda, who was checking on the patient’s stats.

“She’s desaturating.” Wanda said and Faith saw the numbers indicating how much oxygen the patient had fall from their normal 100% to 80… 75… 68… “I’m intubating.”

The woman’s heart rate started going up making another alarm go off. Peter froze.

“Parker, close that wound now.” Faith insisted. She was ready to perform CPR, but if the wound was still open, it could cause air to get sucked inside her chest, making it all worse. With trembling hands, Peter finished fixing the tube and the nurse put a wet bandage on it, sealing it completely.

“V-taq.” Wanda said and Faith started heart compressions.

“Dr. Ashley?” A pale Peter said. Faith looked at him as he pointed at the tube she had just put in her lung.

“Blood.” She muttered. “The patient is bleeding, Maximoff! Parker, go get Dr. Barton, he’s in OR 5.”

_Easy ones, huh?_ Faith thought after Parker ran out of the room.

.-

The drain flasks were almost full when Faith cut the sutures that held the tube inside the woman’s chest and pulled it out. Clint was there, helping her get the patient cleaned up. She felt deflated, defeated. The vasoactive drugs, the compressions, the fluids… everything she had done was not enough. The woman’s lung collapsed and bursted, making her literally bleed to death. And Faith had stood there, all efforts in vain.

“Thanks, Clint.” Faith said, more in dismissing way than in a grateful one, but Clint got it. He gave her a small smile.

“Don’t let it get to you.” He said, snapping his gloves off, and left the OR.

“Parker.” Faith called out to the intern standing beside the computer looking considerably disheartened. “Get the patient’s chart and write what I’m going to tell you.”

What a nice way to start a monday!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is always appreciated!


	3. Lose control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now Loki's ex comes in the picture.

“Dr. Ashley?” A nurse trotted behind Faith, but she wasn’t really listening. Actually, her brain was still at home for all she knew. “Dr. Ashley.” The nurse insisted and Faith shook her head.

“I’m sorry. Yes?”

“I was telling you, your surgeries for this afternoon have been reprogrammed.”

Faith raised an eyebrow. “What? Why?”

“Dr. Stark and Dr. Laufeyson--” The nurse started, but Faith rolled her eyes and speed walked, making way to the OR, not listening to the rest of what she was saying.

“Ash!” Dr. Tony Stark got startled when Faith irrupted into the now empty OR.

“Where is my patient, Stark?” Faith asked crossing her arms on her chest. Stark wasn’t alone, but she didn’t think it was necessary to even look at Loki for the time being.

“4th floor, room 408. Having lunch, if I’m not mistaken.” Loki deadpanned, not lifting his eyes from the chart he was reading.

“Well, he’s supposed to be here being anesthetized.”

“Well, he’s not.” Stark added. Faith bit the inside of her cheek, fighting the urge to kick Tony on the crotch.

“Yeah, I can see that. Now if you could tell me _why_ …”

Loki got up from his chair and nodded in Tony’s direction, making him leave. Faith stared at him blankly.

“I know what happened this morning.” Loki started. Faith huffed and looked away, rubbing her face. “We thought it was better--” He tried to continue, but she didn’t let him.

“You have no right to tell me when I should or shouldn’t operate, Laufeyson. Not you, not Stark. You had no right to reschedule my surgeries.”

“Maybe I don’t. But Stark is chief surgeon whether you like it or not, so _he_ can.” Loki said. “Though, if you must know, it _was_ me who told him to do it.”

“That’s just great then.” Faith spun on her heels.

“Faith, one of your patients died this morning, on your table, while you were operating on them. Excuse me for thinking you’re not in the right condition to have a full board right now.” Faith said nothing and fell on one of the chairs. She knew his intentions were good, but she still felt underestimated. “Why didn’t you call me?” Loki said getting close and sitting by her side.

“What for? So you could suspend my procedures earlier?” Faith said, rising an eyebrow.

“Don’t get all defensive. You know what I mean.”

“I just didn’t, okay?” She sighed. “You were working last night. I wasn’t waking you up for this.” 

“Well, I would’ve liked you to wake me up for this.” He said, holding her hand in his.

Faith bit her lip and looked at Loki, a million explanations jumbling in her tongue. Her pregnancy, her lack of sleep, her lack of food, her morning sickness and her constant exhaustion, a million reasons why it was her fault the patient died that morning. Loki stared back, waiting for her to talk, but she didn’t. Faith let go of his hand, stood up and started pacing.

“Talk to me, please.” Loki said sweetly, standing in front of her and stroking both her arms. “I know you’re not sleeping lately, nor eating…” Faith opened her mouth to speak, but didn’t know exactly what to say.

“I’ll be fine. I- I’ll just go home and get some sleep, okay?” She said, rubbing her forehead.

“Why don’t you call someone to cover up for you tonight? Hmm?” Loki suggested, he didn’t want her working after all this.

Faith shook her head. “I said I’ll be fine. I rather be working anyway.” She turned and gave a deep sigh, leaning on the surgery table; Loki came behind her and hugged her waist, nuzzling her neck.

“You know? I’ve always had this fantasy… in the OR… you against the table…” He explained at the same time he kissed her neck softly, making her giggle.

“Are you trying to make me feel better?”

“Whatever works.” Both giggled now, but their moment was interrupted.

“Excuse me. Dr. Stark is going to make use of this OR since Dr. Ashley’s procedures were suspended.” Sigyn, one of the OR nurses, spoke, making Loki jump away from Faith.

“Hello, Sigyn…” Loki said, growing really uncomfortable. Faith tensed up, no trace of any smile left on their faces.

“Yeah, whatever the boss wants.” Faith said, rolling her eyes at Loki. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” She added, and left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is always appreciated!


	4. Accidentally in love

Little outbursts of jealousy like that weren’t something unusual in Faith, but this one in particular felt worse. It wasn’t like she could actually ask Loki to stop having feelings for Sigyn, or like she could ask for explanations and Loki would have to give her one.  
It wasn’t like she should have fallen in love with Loki, even if she didn’t wanna admit it to herself. It wasn’t like she should be pregnant with his kid either.

Faith had a restless afternoon of half sleeping, half pacing around her apartment. At 7pm it was obvious she wasn’t getting any rest and got in the shower. Her mind wandered scattered between Loki, the baby, being sick and the patient who died that morning.

For a moment, Faith actually considered taking Loki’s advice and have someone fill in for her the night. She really wasn’t in the mood to go to work, but it was the only thing that would help with her overthinking. Besides, Steve was working too and she needed his help.

After a quick bite, she made her way to the hospital, getting there little before 8pm. Faith went to the emergency OR and saw Sam.  
Dr. Wilson shared her shift as the anesthesiologist, and he also was Steve’s boyfriend, which made him basically her brother-in-law.

“Hey, Sam.” Faith greeted, forcing a smile.

“Good evening, miss Ash.” He said as response. “Everything good?”

“Yeah, how was the day?” She said walking into the little OR sitting room.

“Quiet. As any other monday.” Sam said falling on one of the couches as Faith straddled a bench. “Stark closed up the last patient like half an hour ago and apparently there’s nothing left to operate.”

“Great.” Faith said rubbing her face. “I’ll send my intern to check with Barnes if there’s anything else to evaluate.”

Sam was about to say something when a thin shadow on the door made him stop. “Okay. I’ll go check on Steve, he said he’d probably have to do a c-section and hasn’t called me back.” Sam said instead, and headed for the door at the same time Faith looked up.

“Hi.” Loki was there, leaning on the door frame.

“Aren’t you supposed to be at home now?” Faith said, and she couldn’t help the little smile that appeared on her lips.

Loki straddled the same bench in front of her and held her hands, looking into her eyes. Faith raised an eyebrow.

“What?” She said.

“Look, about earlier…” Loki started.

“Which earlier?” Faith asked.

“With Sigyn, in the OR. I didn’t mean--”

“Okay, stop. You don’t have to apologize for that, It’s not--.” Faith said trying to move away, but Loki gripped her hands and kept her in place.

“I know, I know.” He said biting his lip. “But I want to.” He also wanted to say so much more, but couldn’t bring himself to do it. “Besides, I know you got upset.” He added with a smirk.

Faith chuckled. “ _Everything_ was upsetting me.” She lied. Or maybe not, but she was denying the fact that Sigyn had bothered her way too much.

Loki shook his head. “Still, I’m sorry.”

“Apology accepted then.” Faith said and Loki sighed, leaning his forehead on hers.

He swallowed down everything else he wanted to say, make her understand why he was apologizing. Explain why he stayed 2 hours after his last procedure just to talk to her. But he didn’t. Instead, gripped her hands and pulled her a little closer, kissing her lips lightly. Faith smiled and kissed him back.

“Breakfast tomorrow?” He whispered.

“If you’re buying…” Faith said, closing her eyes and biting her lip.

“I’ll bring you a muffin.”

“Blueberry?”

“Sure.”

Both giggled. Loki lifted Faith’s chin and kissed her again, thankful of being left alone in the small room. The day shift was leaving as the night shift was arriving, so they would be pretty much ignored for the next five minutes. They weren’t exactly a secret, everyone knew about them, but it wasn’t very professional to go around the hospital making out.

“Dr. Ashley?” Peter interrupted their moment, blushing and stuttering an apology.

Faith smiled as Loki looked down. “Great timing, Parker. What is it?”

“Dr. Barnes is asking for you.” The boy choked out in embarrassment.

“I’ll be right out.” Faith said and Peter trotted off without being said to. Loki tensed up.

“Will you ever stop having to work with him every shift?” He asked quietly.

“Why should I?” Faith watched Loki bite the inside of his cheek and shrug.

“I don’t know. Given your background I don’t think is healthy.”

“James and I manage.” She answered simply. Even if she knew Loki was kind of right.

She and Dr. James “Bucky” Barnes shared a story that included a serious relationship that lasted over 2 years and never really ended. Almost 5 years after their break-up they were still sleeping together, even when James was married to Natasha now. Every now and then, there would be moments of weakness when he’d come up with some lousy excuse to tell his wife and he’d end up buried in Faith instead.  
Everything had stopped abruptly several months ago though, when James found out Natasha was pregnant with twins.

Faith acted like she didn’t care, but Loki knew it would take only a few words from James to have her back. And that scared the shit out of him. That’s why he had asked her to switch days with anyone, but she refused and Loki didn’t push.

“I’ll let you get to work, then.” Loki said hiding the bitterness in his voice.

“I’ll be waiting for my muffin tomorrow.” She chuckled, pecking his lips before standing up.

Loki smiled and gave her a small nod before getting up himself. “I won’t forget.”

Faith clutched her stomach while watching Loki leave. Part of her wanted to stop him and tell him everything, so he could be there with her, but- what for? If her suspicions were correct-- No, she shouldn’t be thinking about it now. First, she had to talk to Steve, get the ultrasound and then worry about what to tell Loki, if anything at all.

Trudging to the ER, Peter appeared beside her, blushing slightly and not looking at her while he made a short list of the patients that needed surgical evaluation. Faith thought it was amusing, but the stuttering was getting on her nerves.

“Stop it.” She said and Peter stood there blinking. “Did you check on the patients?”

“Yes. All four of them. One of them could be discharged, two have to be moved to the 4th floor and I wanted to ask you about the forth one…”

“Sing…” Faith walked to the little exam room while Peter told her about the patient. An 87 years old woman with an acute arterial ischemia affecting her left leg. She should’ve had surgery the day before, but she didn’t. Why? That was the question Peter had. Faith found the answer written on the chart, with the spidery characters of Loki’s handwriting: The family of the patient didn’t wanna make her go through any procedures.

It was a wise choice, given the patient’s age, but still sort of frustrating.

Faith pointed out the family’s rejection to Peter, telling him to write the new meds the patient should be taking and making a note for the nurse to contact the caretakers. If they were rejecting the surgery they could very well take the lady back home and let her go in peace there, with her family.

“There’s nothing worse than dying in a hospital.” Peter muttered and Faith could do nothing more than silently agree. She had seen enough of it too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is always appreciated!  
> You can also yell at me on my [tumblr](http://fadingcoast.tumblr.com/) and/or [twitter](https://twitter.com/FadingCoast)!!


	5. Secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of failed pregnancy / miscarriage.

Sitting on the doctor’s lounge, Faith started thinking about the pregnancy again, and Loki. Mostly Loki, and his stupid apology. Loki and _why on earth did he do that_? Loki and _why don’t I tell him everything_? The last question wasn’t an easy one to answer.

“Good evening. I didn’t see you down there…” James’s voice snapped Faith out of her head.

“Hi.” She gave him a small smile. James stared at her funny. “What?” She said, growing a bit uncomfortable.

“Are you okay?” He said, staring at her like he could read her. And he could, which was the worst part.

“I’m fine.” She insisted, trying to convey some calm.

“You’re not.” He stated and sat on the table with a coffee.

“Fine, I’m not. Why do you even ask?” Faith said with a chuckle. James smirked that knowing smirk she had learned to hate.

“I’m going to ask you something, and you know you can’t lie to me.” He said turning to her on his chair. Faith felt mildly panicked. “Are you pregnant?” Faith’s eyes went wide open as a cold feeling ran down her throat, She didn't answer. “I knew it.” James said, sipping his coffee just to hide the winning smile. “What did Loki say?”

“Haven’t told him.” Faith crossed her arms on her chest, feeling suddenly cold and exposed. There were no words that could explain how much she hated James when he did that.

“I see.” James said and didn’t ask anything else.

Faith stood up. “Ring me if you need me.”

Yeah, now it was a _really_ good time to check with Steve.

.-

Dr. Steve Rogers was washing his hands when the OB nurse told him the newborn stats. The c-section had been urgent, but the baby was alive and, so far, he would make it. The PICU already had a crib for the newborn and they would take him up any minute now. It made Steve smile. He hated to start his night shifts with bad news. He informed the nurse he’d be taking a bite in his room and she should call him if she had any emergency.

When he got in, he realized he had company.

“Faith! Good evening.” He greeted in his merry way and sat on the table.

“Night, Steve. How’s work so far? Wilson told me you had an emergency surgery.”

“Yeah, a premature with a nasty maternal sepsis… I had to go for a c-section, but baby and mom are fine now.” He said before attacking his sandwich.

“Great.” Faith said with no real emotion. And Steve knew her too well.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, leaving his sandwich back on the table.

“I need a favor, Steve.” She said without looking up. “I’m pregnant.” She confessed and Steve froze. “I need an ultrasound.”

“Y-yeah sure…” He stammered a bit.

“But that’s not it.” She added, looking at him with pleading eyes. Steve didn’t say anything, just waited for her to continue. “I don’t want Loki to know.” Faith faced down again and took a deep breath. She hated hiding this from Loki, but if her suspicions were correct, there was no point in telling him either.

“Faith, I think he deserves---”

“I have a really bad feeling about this, Steve. It doesn’t feel… _right_.” Unconsciously, she made a grabbing gesture towards her lower belly. Steve caught on it.

“Oh.” It wasn’t the first time a mother-to-be told Steve something similar and they were always right.

“That’s why I need the ultrasound and that’s why I’m asking you to do it.” Faith bit her lip and clutched her forearms. Steve looked at her and stood up, abandoning half of his meal on the table.

“C'mon, the US is free and the nurse won’t bother me for a while.”

Faith’s palms were sweating the whole way to the US room. Once there, she stripped her lower half with shaking hands, and wrapped the sheet that Steve offered around her waist. Neither of them spoke while the machine fired up. Again, Faith wished Loki was there. At least to hold her hand.

“How long?” Steve asked.

“9 weeks and 4 days.” Faith said, getting more nervous by the second. Steve nodded and entered her name and data to the computer. Then he got to work.

Faith closed her eyes at the cold feeling of the US gel in her insides and flinched a little, averting her eyes from the screen. Steve moved the transducer around as the minutes stretched out. Faith only wanted an answer and got it when Steve sighed.

“You’re right.”

“What?” Faith gulped.

“It’s hollow. It’s a blighted ovum.”

.-

Back in the OB lounge with Steve, Faith stared at the US pic in her hand. The empty membrane where a 1 inch embryo should be and wasn’t. She didn’t know how to feel about that.  
Relieved? Sad? Scared? All of the above? Cause that’s how she felt anyway. For a moment she had actually played with the chance of becoming a mother. A single mom if she had to, there was no problem in that either. She could easily provide for her kid alone, sacrificing a few working hours… but that wasn’t the case. There was no baby and she wouldn’t have to worry about telling Loki, giving up night shifts and get a bigger apartment.

Neither of them spoke for what it felt like a long time. Faith was chewing on her lip, thinking and Steve just waited for her to talk.

“Get it out.” Faith finally said.

“What do you mean?”

“Get it off me.” Faith said again, this time looking at Steve blankly.

“You mean a D&C?” Steve asked and Faith nodded. “Faith, you know--”

“I know how it works, Steve. Wait till the 12th week for it to come out by itself and blah blah.” She sighed and rubbed her face. “I need it out of me.”

“Okay. When?” Steve crossed his arms, wanting to hear how Faith expected to do it without Loki finding out. A curettage meant checking in for at least a day.

“This Saturday, in your clinic. Loki is working 24 hours shift, so you can keep me all day there in observation.”

“What about Sunday? We’re working this week.”

“Yeah, I’ll be here and so will you. If anything happens, I’ll just have to run down the hall and let you know.”

Steve felt defeated, there was no much arguing with her thinking. It always had surprised him how Faith managed to remain so unmoved by situations, having such cold logic all the time. It came to him that it was part of her surgeon training. Apparently, they could turn you into a robot.

.-

Alone in the doctor’s lounge, Faith kept staring at the US pic. Now she felt really sick and wanted to go home.

“You look like crap.” James interrupted her silence again.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” She said standing up to make herself a cup of tea.

“May I ask why?” James said quietly after she sat on the table. Faith looked at him, knowing he was resuming their previous conversation. She pulled the US pics from her pocket.

“Do these explain it?”

James looked at them. “Wait, there’s no--” Faith gave him a hard look. “I get it.” He said, handing her the pics back. “How do you feel?”

“There’s nothing to feel.” Faith shrugged, though it was quite the opposite: she felt _everything_ at once. James just stared at her, knowing it would be useless to try and get anything from her until she was ready to talk. “Hope you keep it quiet though.” She added, pushing the pics inside her coat pocket.

“Yeah, let’s add it to the vast amount of secrets we already share.” He said somewhat sarcastically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just adding a few concepts for anyone who could be confused by these terms:  
> * A blighted ovum (also known as “anembryonic pregnancy”) is when a fertilized egg implants into the uterine wall, but fetal development never begins. Often there is a gestational sac, but there is an absence of fetal growth.  
> * A D&C, also known as Dilation and Curettage, is a surgical procedure often performed after a 1st trimester miscarriage. Dilation refers to opening the cervix; Curettage refers to removing the contents of the uterus either by scraping the uterine wall with a curette instrument or by a suction curettage.


	6. Weight of the world

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Introducing Valkyrie as Val Laufeyson, and Loki's cousin.  
> (( I was going to use Brunnhilde, but I didn't like the sound D: ))

Dr. Loki Laufeyson drove to the hospital earlier than usual. His first surgery wasn’t until nine, but he wanted to get there earlier. In the passenger seat of his car rested a brown paper bag that managed to steal a smile from him when he snatched it before climbing off.

Various people greeted him on his way to the ER, to which he replied politely. Taking the steps by two, Loki reached the doctor’s lounge to see Faith sitting there. She wasn’t alone, but he shrugged it off.

“Morning.” He said, Faith looked at him with a smile.

“Okay, I’m off. See you on sunday.” James stood up quickly and left the room with little more than I nod in Loki’s direction.

“Hey, you.” Faith said as Loki sat by her side.

“You look like crap.” He said with a chuckle. Faith rolled her eyes.

“I bet you’d look the same if some drunken asshole decided to drive into a tree at 4.30 am.” As she spoke, she fired up the coffee pot again, getting a warm cup for Loki.

“Thanks.” He muttered and then cleared his throat. “I got something for you.” Reaching inside the brown paper bag, Loki got a couple of ham sandwiches, chocolate cookies… “And this is yours.” He said handing her a blueberry muffin.

“Loki!” She said giggling.

“What? You asked for a blueberry muffin!” He giggled along.

“You are so cheesy. Thanks.” She said kissing his cheek before biting the muffin. Her stomach twisted in discomfort, making her leave the muffin back on the table. This time Loki decided not to let it pass.

“Are you okay?” He asked concerned.

“I’m fine.” She said with a faint smile.

Loki sighed. “Faith, you’ve been getting sick for days now. Are you sure you’re alright?” He looked at her intently, maybe looking for answers in her expression, but it remained blank as usual.

“I’m sure…”

Loki bit his lip, still looking at her. “Sure you’re not… you know… pregnant?” He said lowering his voice. “I mean… morning sickness, being tired all day, I don’t remember the last time you got your period and you’re usually like a clock.” He scratched his head, looking away.

Faith felt like someone threw a bucket of cold water on top of her. “I’m not, Loki.” She said, trying not to feel guilty. Technically, she wasn’t lying.

Loki nodded. “Okay.”

“Aww, aren’t the king and queen of the 4th floor?” Clint entered the room, giggling at the couple, ignorant to the tension floating between them.

“Pffff. Stark is king _and_ queen.” Faith said, rolling her eyes.

“Drama queen.” Clint added with a chuckle.

Loki shook his head and sipped his coffee while the other two discussed the patients left in the ER, pending blood tests and the drunk driver who was now in the recovery room. After Clint took his things to the adjacent bedroom, Loki stood up and got close to Faith.

“You coming tonight?” He asked rubbing her arms.

“I’ll call you when I get off the clinic.” Faith answered, hanging her backpack on her shoulder.

Loki smiled and kissed her, holding her hand as they walked out of the lounge, releasing her when they got to the last step.

“See you later.” Loki said walking away from her with a smile. Faith waved at him walking the opposite hallway.

.-

The babies of the PICU were silent. They always were, besides the quiet beeping of their monitors and the occasional whimper, there wasn’t much noise in the warm room. Nurse Val Laufeyson liked it, liked the peace that embraced her there. Maybe that’s why she liked working there so much, away from the noise of the other infants in the pediatric floor.

She had just finished feeding and checking the stats of the last baby when the door creaked open. It was too early for Dr. Levi to come yet, so she popped her head out and saw Faith on the changing room, leaving her backpack. Val smiled and finished the chart she was scribbling in, leaving it on the desk.

“Morning, cousin!” She said with a smile, giving Faith a small hug. Faith rolled her eyes.

“Last time I checked, Loki was your cousin, not me.”

“Yeah, but you’re together, so it’s the same.” Val chuckled as both women sat on the nursery desk.

Faith shook her head, realizing how useless was trying to explain the current situation to her friend. If she didn’t get it after the millionth time, Faith doubted she’d ever will. As Val picked up her abandoned chart to finish her daily scribbling, Faith took a small tour through the little cribs where the newborns laid. She watched them lying there, helpless and fragile… and she clutched her stomach again, feeling its emptiness. Faith sighed.

“What’s wrong?” Val asked, without looking up.

“Nothing.” She said evasively and went to have a seat on the desk again, rubbing her face in the process.

“Okay, but something is obviously wrong… What’s bothering you?” Val insisted.

“More like, what’s NOT bothering me.” Faith pulled the US pics from her pocket, handing them to Val. “Loki doesn’t know, by the way.”

Val’s eyes went wide open at first. “Wait, you’re--” Before finishing that phrase she did a double take and realized the egg was empty. Gulping an oh, she sighed and gave the pics back to Faith. “Have you decided to tell him at all?”

“What for?” Faith said, shaking her head and burying the pics back in her pocket.

“Because, even if…” Val’s eyes flinched and stopped for a moment. “I would still talk to him about it. What if he stumbles across something and finds out what you hid?”

“I’ll just make sure he doesn’t.” Faith shrugged. “Besides I didn’t come to tell you this so you could lecture me. I just feel---”

Val watched Faith swallow the last part. “You can’t grieve alone, Faith.”

“I’m not grieving!” Faith said, obviously lying. “And I can--” She stopped and looked down. “It’s complicated.”

“Ok, so you aren’t grieving.” Val rolled her eyes, clearly reading through Faith. “But I still think you should talk.” She continued, looking at Faith. “And I’m not just speaking as his family... I’m speaking as your friend.” She said sympathetically.

Faith swallowed hard, fighting to keep a stern voice. “There’s no point. He doesn’t have to know and everything can just stay the same.”

“How can it be the same when there could have been another person involved? Unless you planned on hiding the kid too.” Val crossed her arms as Faith glared at her. One thing to hide a nonexistent pregnancy and a very different one to deny Loki his kid.

“You really think I’d do that? Of course not! If there was a baby there, I would tell him… but-- there’s not.”

Val huffed in frustration. She couldn’t understand why Faith was keeping this from Loki in the first place, seeing she’d run to tell if it was her in the same situation.  
Being used to deal with shit alone, Faith never needed someone there for her. This time, though, it was more of a wanting someone than needing them. Only she wasn’t admitting it.

Val sighed and paused before asking. “What are you going to do?”

“Steve is getting it out this Saturday.” She clutched her stomach, thinking again how much she’d like to have Loki there. “I might need your help with it, so I’m letting you know in advance.”

Val was still staring intently at her friend, but decided not to push the matter any further. “Fine.” She spat.

“Where is your boo, anyway?” She asked, trying to get rid of the dense atmosphere their conversation created.

Val blushed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Faith giggled as the PICU door creaked open, letting a cheerful Dr. Fandral Levi inside the room.

“Speak of the devil…” Faith said with a chuckle that quickly turned into a laugh at seeing Val sigh and swoon.

“Shut up.” Val growled, giving Faith the evil eye.

“Haven’t said shit.” She said raising her hands.

“Good morning, ladies!” Fandral greeted them with a grin.

“Levi.” Faith said still wearing a smirk.

“Morning, Fandral.” Val said with a wide smile, balancing the clipboard on her hip.

Faith shook her head, being careful not to be seen by any of them. It was a well known fact, in her inner circle at least, that Val has had the biggest crush on Fandral for like ever and was also common knowledge that he was, in Faith’s words, a manwhore.  
He knew how much attention he got from the feminine staff of the pediatric floor and he liked that attention, managing a few charming smiles and cute pouts to get everything he wanted, from a free breakfast to a quickie in the changing room. Faith could only laugh at it after being proved immune to Fandral’s charisma.

She waited for Fandral to start checking on the first baby to pull Val to her side, and back from her daydreaming.

“I’ll leave you both alone now.” Faith whispered. “Just remember to wear a condom…” She added with a chuckle, covering her head from the slap Val gave her.

“Just leave.” She spat with a glare.

“Keep your mouth shut.” Faith warned and Val nodded before turning her attentions to Fandral again.

.-

It was still early when Faith got home. Early enough so she could catch some sleep before going to the clinic, but her conversation with Val got her mind out of control.  
Deep down inside, Faith knew Val was right. Even if there was no baby, Loki had the right to know and even share the blame for the pregnancy failing. Guilt that, so far, Faith was taking all by herself.  
But how could Faith even begin to explain anything? Could she really tell Loki not only about the failed pregnancy, but also what she felt for him? How bad it felt to screw this up? That she sort of wanted this and it had all gone to waste? Could she tell him about the doubts, the guilt and even her hopes?

How could she tell Loki anything if she didn’t get it herself?

Maybe it was the easy way out, to keep it all a secret. To get the curettage, pretend that pregnancy never happened and have her relationship flow on its own speed instead of forcing it with the truth.

Cause if there was one thing Faith was certain of is that she didn’t wanna lose him.


	7. The second you sleep

The soft noise of the water running was lulling Loki to sleep as he laid in bed in the semi darkness of his bedroom, looking at the ceiling. Faith had arrived little over an hour ago and after the chinese dinner, all she wanted to do was to shower and get in bed. Thoughts of joining Faith in the bathroom went through Loki’s head, but she was tired and he could wait.

Loki sighed, cuddling the pillow and facing the television, even if he wasn’t watching.  
His mind wandered back to that morning, when he asked Faith if she was pregnant. Truth is, he had suspected it for a few weeks now, but didn’t have the courage to ask and get the truth out of her.  
What would’ve he done if Faith was pregnant? Make their relationship official? Which was something that he already wanted, but didn’t know how to?  
He’d have to admit he was a little disappointed that there was no baby, it would’ve made it easy to take that step; but also, he couldn’t stop thinking how much a baby would affect their lives, how many things would have to change, and couldn’t help but to feel a little relieved as well.

As he rubbed his face on the pillow, Faith came out of the bathroom toweling her hair. Loki looked up and reached for her with a smile. Faith smiled back and left the towel on a nearby chair, walking to the bed and letting Loki guide her down on her stomach. He hovered over her and massaged her shoulders.

Faith groaned.

“I’m getting that you like this.” Loki chuckled.

“Keep doing that and I’ll be asleep in 2 minutes.” She mumbled against the pillow.

Loki said nothing and kept massaging her shoulders and her back, sliding his hands under her tank top, following the line of her spine, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. Her hair was wet and smelled like his shampoo. It was inevitable for him to think it smelled better on her, which was a really cheesy thing to think.  
Loki rolled his eyes at himself and rested his head on the back of her neck.

“Tickles!” Faith said with a shudder and a giggle.

“Sorry.” He said smiling against her skin and kissed her neck lightly. Faith sighed. Loki did it again.

Faith smiled as Loki’s hands slid under her tank top, this time not massaging her back, but peeling the article off her body. And she let him. After it met the floor, Loki took his time kissing her every protruding spine bone from her neck to her hips. It made Faith giggle and Loki smiled, knowing she was ticklish as hell.

Dragging his lips back up her back, Loki bit her shoulder gently before leaning in and kiss her. Faith returned the kiss with a deep sigh as she rolled over and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Still tired?” Loki asked, staring deeply into her eyes.

Faith smirked. “Not that tired.”

He smiled and kissed her again.

Making love.

Loki didn’t know how everything evolved from ‘casual fuck’ to ‘regular sex’ to ‘making love’. But he didn’t question it that much. He knew his feelings had changed. Changed from being in love with Sigyn, ready to marry her, and completely broken when he found out about her infidelities, to feeling like he couldn’t care less about Sigyn as long as he had Faith with him. As long as he could hold her while she slept, limbs tangled around each other every night.  
He was in love with her and he knew it, but he didn’t know how to tell her. Instead, Loki tried to show her. In every kiss, hug and touch, he tried to let her know how much she meant to him, hoping she’d get it, hoping she would understand that he could give her so much more than James ever could.

That’s why he _hated_ their shared ER shifts, that single night a week when Faith wasn’t with him, but with _the other him_.

Maybe if Loki wasn’t so afraid and if Faith didn’t hide her feelings as well, both could’ve heard the I love you that died in Loki’s lips before they drifted off to sleep.

.-

Morning came early as every day and Loki was already in the shower, singing a random tune that made Faith giggle and choke on the toothpaste.

“Oh, my gods. Shut up!” She said. “I’m trying to wash my teeth here.”

Loki popped his head out of the shower curtain and looked at her. “Why don’t you get in?” He asked with a half smile that turned into a pout when Faith looked at him.

“No, we’ll be late if I do and besides, I already showered.” She said, rinsing her mouth afterwards. Loki stared at her, with a small smile appearing on his lips. Faith realized through the mirror. “What?”

“Nothing.” He said vaguely, fully smiling now. “You look a lot better this morning.”

“Let’s just say that I released a lot of tension last night.” She stated with a sly smirk, still looking at him on the mirror. Loki giggled. “Hurry up.”

Faith shot him a smile as she walked out of the bathroom and made way to the bedroom, where she got dressed. Then, headed for the kitchen. As she fired up the coffee machine, the revolting feeling in her stomach was back, and she took a deep breath. _Only 3 more days and it will be over_ , she thought, encouraging herself to overcome the nausea.  
Leaving the coffee pot to warm up, Faith walked to the living room, where she had left her backpack and her coat, putting on the latter. That’s when she realized the US pics were in one of the pockets. The nausea was back.

Falling on one of the couches, Faith tried to breathe again, but looking at the blighted ovum the pics displayed didn’t help at all. Now the morning sickness was mixed with that empty and cold feeling in her womb.

“Great! Coffee’s ready!” Loki’s voice snapped Faith out of her daze. She stuffed the pics between the cushions and stood up quickly, playing off like she was looking for something in her backpack.

Making a mental note to retrieve the pics later, she came back to the kitchen, where Loki had already placed coffee for him and tea for her, along with the rest of their breakfast. But Faith wasn’t eating.

“Still feeling sick?” Loki said with a worried expression.

“A little bit, but I will take this to work. I always get hungry in the middle of the morning and never have anything to eat!” She said forcing herself to smile, like this was a normal thing. Loki seemed satisfied with it.

“So…” He cleared his throat. “Pick you up tonight?” He asked while he put the dishes in the sink and cleaned the table.

Faith’s smile was a little more real this time. “Sure.”


	8. Wish you were here

Peter Parker was already evaluating patients in the ER when he saw Dr. Ashley wave Dr. Laufeyson off and take the stairs to the doctor’s lounge on the 2nd floor. He couldn’t stop the annoyed sigh that followed and then slapped himself mentally, going back to writing on the chart he had in front of him.

It wasn’t like he had a crush on his tutor, it was more like an admiration thing. Even if Peter had to admit she was kind of cute, he liked her for her brains and that particular something that was her personality, more than he did for her looks.

Dr. Ashley was the only female surgeon in the hospital, job that made her suffer quite a few humiliations and patronizing comments from her co-workers. Peter had witnessed more than a few fights between her and Dr. Stark, the chief surgeon. Most of them were because of working hours and amount of patients. Other fights were because Dr. Stark didn’t let her do big surgeries, like laparoscopies, and had her confined to small procedures. This had caused quite a break in the staff, half of them supporting Faith while the other half thought Stark had his reasons. Somehow Loki was the one who fixed that issue and Stark allowed Faith to perform laparoscopies as long as Loki was operating with her. Faith didn’t like having a babysitter, but it was the compromise and besides, Loki wasn’t a bad person to spend a few hours in the OR with.

But there was one fight that still managed to make Peter smile every time he remembered it. The one that was because of _him_.

When he arrived to the hospital for his surgery internship, he was immediately assigned to Dr. Ashley. Stark did it cause he thought it would bother Faith. Little he knew Faith loved teaching and really liked having a pupil.  
For Peter, it meant that he had to follow her day and night shifts, join her in the OR, go to the clinic with her and check on her admitted patients everyday on the 4th floor. Faith told him the simple rules she had and prevented him from falling into doing everyone’s job, cause he was bound to be taken as a pet by the other surgeons, so she made clear that he was, in a way, working for her and only her.

A few weeks later, Peter proved her words to be true, and even if he managed to dismiss the other doctors’ requests, Dr. Stark wasn’t a person you’d easily shut down. So, after spending almost a week doing paperwork for Stark, Faith had a chat with her boss. A chat Peter could hear through the glass door, as well of the rest of the floor.

“The boy is not your fucking puppy!”

“He’s an intern in this service, Ash! Therefore, I can ask things from him.”

“Like doing all the shit you’re too lazy to do?” Faith stated. “You assigned him to me, Stark. That makes him MY intern.”

Peter perked up, blushing at the property title: He was _hers_.

“Your intern?” Stark said in what he intended to be a mocking tone.

“Yes, _mine_. So if you want someone to do paperwork for you, hire a secretary that actually has more brains than tits!”

Hanna Beth, Stark’s secretary, who was sitting on the desk right outside the office, looked at Peter as her eyes flooded up with tears. Peter didn’t know what to do or say and just watched her run from the office, probably heading for the bathroom. Faith left the office after that and Peter trotted behind her looking down, even if he was smiling.

And he was still smiling while he wrote on the chart and was startled by his owner. Peter chuckled at thinking that and Faith raised an eyebrow.

“Are you done here?” She asked.

“Um, I’m just one patient short.” He said pointing to a young man right in front of them.

“Great. Wrap it up while I go check on the peds.”

Peter nodded and watched her walk away to the pediatric room of the ER. He groaned and hit his head on the counter, feeling suddenly silly.

.-

Saturday loomed at the end of the week like both a relief and a ghost for Faith. The previous days she would’ve given anything to be able to tell Loki, but that decision was taken. Faith had chosen to deal with it alone and alone she’d do it.

Loki left his house at 7.45, as he did every saturday he had to work. And as usual, Faith made breakfast and waited for him to leave, the only difference was that this time she didn’t go back to bed, but into the shower and then to her own apartment.

At 9 am sharp Faith was standing outside Steve’s clinic, trying to gather enough courage to make her legs work and move, playing with the phone in her hand. She still had time. She could still rush to the hospital, tell Loki everything and then come back. Or even reschedule the D&C and have Loki there with her. Again, reason chased that need away and she walked in. Steve was waiting for her and she was immediately admitted.

Faith was lying in the bed when Sam got in.

“Morning, Miss Ash.” He said with a smile. “I’ll be your anesthesiologist today!”

“Dumbass…” She said with a smile. “Where are you gonna poke me?”

“Just your arm.” Sam said while reading her file. Faith nodded. “Anything I should know about you?”

“No.”

“Good! See you in a few.”

As Sam left, Steve walked in. “How are you feeling?” He asked sitting beside her on the bed.

“I’ll be fine.” Faith said, knowing Steve meant more than just how she felt about the D&C.

“Why don’t you call him?” He said a little softer now. Faith looked down to the white sheets, stroking the edge.

“I can’t. I just need to get this over with…”

Steve nodded and gave her hand a supportive squeeze before standing up. “Someone will come for you soon.”

“Okay.” She said with a faint smile that Steve mimicked as he walked out.

.-

Saturday afternoon dragged out lonely and boring as any other. Val was alone in her small apartment and after the internet proved itself useless in trying to entertain her, she decided to make some popcorn and watch Netflix.

“Val?” Faith’s voice on the phone interrupted Val’s binge watching Stranger Things

“Faith, hey, what’s going on?” Val said pausing the series and looking at her empty bowl of popcorn.

“Not much. Remember I told you I’d need your help today?” Something in Faith’s voice made Val uncomfortable.

“Yes. You sound bad. Are you feeling OK?” She asked.

“It’s just the versed.” Faith said sleepily with a yawn. “I got my D&C a couple of hours ago. And apparently Steve will only discharge me today if you come and pick me up.”

“What time should I be there?”

“An hour or so…”

“I can do that, but, Faith, are you sure you shouldn't just stay overnight?”

Val heard a small chuckle on the other end of the line. “You sound like Steve. I have to work tomorrow and I will sleep the versed off, but I can’t drive.”

“Ok, see you soon then.” She said with a defeated sigh. Somehow, Faith always managed to do exactly what she wanted.

Val played with the thought of not going to get her, so Steve could keep her there longer, but true to her word, she arrived to the clinic little over an hour later.

“I won’t spend the night alone as you asked me to and you know tomorrow we will be together all day.” Val heard Faith say when she reached her room.

“It’s just one day off. Can’t you take a day off?” Steve’s voice questioned with a slight hint of annoyingness.

“Excuse me… um. Hi.” Val finally entered the room.

“And how would I explain it?” Faith said to Steve before smiling to Val. “Hi.”

“Stubborn as a mule.” Steve muttered making Val chuckle.

“And that’s new…”

Faith rolled her eyes at them both and finished getting dressed.

“Make sure she sleeps tonight. I don’t wanna give her more painkillers or tomorrow she’ll have one hell of a headache and you already know she doesn’t wanna miss work.” Steve said as he signed Faith’s release papers.

“24 hour shift on a Sunday?” Val raised an eyebrow. “Can’t we tie her up to the gurney?”

“I even threatened her with telling Loki if she didn’t listen, but…” He shrugged his shoulders in defeat and gave Faith her chart.

“Thanks.” Faith said giving Steve a long hug.

.-

Next morning, Faith woke up feeling rested and a lot better. It was over. She wasn’t pregnant anymore and now she could carry on with her life like nothing had ever happened.  
Val woke up at hearing Faith in the shower and dragged herself out of bed to make some breakfast: the first breakfast Faith could swallow in weeks. That brightened her up her day, even at 9 am.

“Thank you, Val.” Faith said, giving her friend a hug as she was leaving.

“Anytime.” The other woman answered with a big yawn. Steve, who would drive Faith to the hospital, was already parked outside the building, waving at them both.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. Finish that season today.” Faith said and Val nodded.

“Go. I wanna go back to bed.”

Faith chuckled and left. The ride to the hospital was short and not even Steve telling her over and over again that she should come to see him if anything was wrong, could put a damp on her mood.

“You look happy today.” Loki told her when she got to the doctor’s lounge.

“And you look like shit.” She said.

“Rough night.” Loki explained, rubbing his face. Faith smiled, he always looked like a little kid when he did that.

“Any case I need to know of?” Faith walked to the small bedroom with Loki on her tail.

“No… there’s only a few patients who have to be moved to the 4th floor.” Loki closed the door behind them and hugged Faith waist, burying his face on her neck. She giggled.

“Go. You need to sleep.” She kissed the top of his head hugging him back. “Breakfast tomorrow?”

“Hmm…” Loki nodded, cupping her face and laying a small kiss on her lips, rubbing her nose with his own in the process. “Bye…” He whispered and went to retrieve his things.

Faith waved him off letting out a sigh of relief.

Everything was alright again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course nothing is alright.  
> 


	9. The reason

It was Sunday, it was late afternoon and Loki was getting some pizza leftovers to eat in bed when the doorbell rang. At first, he thought he had heard wrong: Faith was working, who else who’d want to see him on a Sunday? The second insisting ring made him go get the door, and he almost choked on his own spit.

“Hi, Loki.” Sigyn said with a shy smile.

“Um- hi.” Loki said, standing quite stiff on the door frame. It took him another second to snap out of his confusion and let the woman in. “Uh, sorry but-” He started, pondering what would be the nicest way to ask. Sigyn looked at him with a smile.

“I know you’re wondering what I am doing here…”

Loki nodded as response while both walked to the living room. Sigyn sat on the couch, but Loki didn’t, standing awkwardly in front of her.

“Well, I don’t know…” Sigyn started, biting her lip and looking down while she spoke. “I think- we haven’t talked in a while and I just wanted to know how are you doing?” She said between a question and a suggestion.

“I’m- fine, I guess.” Loki said scratching his head.

“That’s great.” Sigyn smiled at him this time, locking eyes for a couple of seconds. She stood up again and went to stand in front of him. “I’ve missed you, you know?” She soothed, biting her lip and stroking Loki’s arm, reading his nervousness right away. She knew to take advantage of it too.

“Do you- want anything? Soda? Beer? Something?” He asked; her body was only inches away from him, and he just _had_ to get away from her.

“A soda would be fine.”

Sigyn smiled at him and Loki sort of escaped to the kitchen. Before getting the drinks, he leaned on a counter, taking a few deep breaths to calm down. Sigyn could NOT be there, she could NOT be doing this, not after all what happened. Besides, he knew her too well… he knew why she was there. He wasn’t a complete idiot, despite what Sigyn could think. No, he wasn’t an idiot, only a little scared of facing her… he knew Sigyn made him weak, made all his resolutions and convictions turn to dust. So the easy way out was to listen to whatever she had to say and then make her leave.

Loki took another deep breath, feeling a little more confident now that he had taken a decision and went back to the living room carrying sodas. Sigyn was sitting on the couch again, he sat beside her.

“So…” Loki said, fiddling with the drink in his hand.

“Look, I know this really comes out of nowhere…” Sigyn started, putting her drink on the table. “But, I really have missed you. I just think we didn’t talk things through.”

Loki looked at her with a hint of disbelief. “What was left to talk about? You made a choice to-”

“I know.” Sigyn interrupted him. “And to this day I regret that call. You were, probably the best thing that ever happened to me and I just screwed it up.” She looked at him with a small smile. “What I’m trying to say is: do you think there’s a chance for us? For you to forgive me?”

Loki didn’t know what to do, or say, he just froze. Sigyn was really close to him, so close he could count her eyes lashes. So close, he could feel her breath on his skin. So close he could feel her lips on his. Loki closed his eyes, half way giving in.

_Push her away. No. What about Faith? Faith doesn’t love me. But you love her._

His brain was screaming for him to stop, but his body wouldn’t budge. Soon enough, Sigyn was straddling his hips, kissing furiously. Her hands snuck around his lower back.

”Ouch!” She suddenly stopped, bringing her finger to her mouth.

“What?” Loki asked.

“I got a papercut, there something--” She reached behind Loki again, fishing for whatever was there. Her face dropped. “I’m- I’m sorry, Loki, I shouldn’t have come.”

Loki looked at her confused at the sudden change. “What-?”

Sigyn bit her lip and handed him the piece of paper. “They were- between the cushions and--”

Loki took the paper, which turned out to be ultrasound pics. Faith’s name was in white little letters in the corner, along with how long her pregnancy was: 9 weeks and 4 days. Sigyn stood up, and kept apologizing, saying she’d leave now, but Loki’s ears were filled with a buzz that made him deaf. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the pics.

Why Faith didn’t tell him? Why did she lie when he asked her? Why was she hiding this from him? Loki felt disappointment grow inside his chest, squeezing the air out of his lungs.

“Loki?” Sigyn said and the sound came back to his eardrums.

“Yeah, I’m- sorry. Y-you better go, Sigyn.” Loki stammered a little, clutching the pics and looking at Sigyn again. She nodded, visibly disappointed, while she picked up her purse and followed Loki to the front door.

.-

“Val?”

For the second time that weekend, Stranger Things was interrupted by Val’s phone.

“Cousin.” She said munching her popcorn.

“Did you know Faith is pregnant?” Loki asked her right away and Val choked on the popcorn, coughing on the phone. “YOU DID! Did you- did any of you thought about telling _me_ by instance?” He said bitterly.

“Faith made me promise--”

“SHE told you not to tell me?”

“Loki-”

“I can’t fucking believe it!”

“Calm down, okay? She- she had her reasons and you should ask her, not me.” Val tried to calm her cousin down, as it was obvious he was about to do something incredibly stupid. “How- how did you find out?”

“I found her US pics.” Loki deadpanned and Val sighed.

“Loki- look at the pics again.”

“Why?”

“It was a blighted ovum, Loki.”

“What?” Loki asked. Val knew he was looking at the pics again. “Fuck…” She heard him mutter and groan at the other end of the line.

“You- you have to talk to her. I tried to convince her to tell you, but-- you know her better than I do.” Val pushed the bowl of popcorn to the side and sat indian style on the bed, rubbing her face. She knew this would happen… she knew Loki would find out somehow. And by the way the silence thickened on the phone, Val knew Faith set up herself for disaster. “Loki?” She said softly.

“You’re right. I have to talk to her.” Loki deadpanned again before Val heard the tone that indicated the call was finished.

.-

When Loki arrived to the hospital, he entered through the parking lot door, avoiding the ER, where Faith would be. Yeah, he needed to talk to her, but first, he needed some answers from Steve. Loki was nearly running down the halls heading to the OB lounge and only stopped in front of the door. He knocked.

“Come in!” Steve’s voice echoed through the door and Loki entered. “Loki… hi.” Steve said, puzzled.

Loki closed the door. “Steve… I know…” He sighed, pulling the US pics from his pocket. “I know you helped her. Val too and- she said-” Loki stopped, running a hand through his hair.

Steve took the pics and huffed. “I told her this would happen.”

“Val said Faith didn’t wanna tell me cause it was a blighted ovum.”

“Yeah.” Steve nodded. “Last monday Faith came in the middle of the night shift asking me to do an US on her cause she was pregnant. This is the result.”

“So she’s--?”

“No. The egg was empty and she got a D&C yesterday.”

“Wh-what??” Loki fell on the couch, hands linked in front of his face, biting his knuckles. “Why didn’t she tell me? She had 9 weeks to tell me… I just- I don’t get it.”

“I can’t help you with that, Loki.” Steve sat on a chair and looked at Loki. “She’s in the OR right now. Sam called like half an hour ago… she should be about to come out.”

Loki bit the inside of his cheek. “Yeah, I have to do that.” He said quietly, and then rubbed his face.

He didn’t know what part of the whole thing made him more upset, but he knew Faith held the answer to that. Saying goodbye to Steve, Loki took the back alley to the OR, and waited for Faith to finish, hiding in the OR lounge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *insert evil laugh*


	10. Broken

Peter was smiling. Why something as simple as being able to sew skin made him smile, he did not know, but it did. Faith was already writing the procedure in the patient’s chart and then getting a copy on the computer.

“You done?” Faith asked, still typing.

“Yeah.” Peter said, snapping off his gloves.

Faith watched him for a second and went to the OR lounge. Peter trotted two second behind her, only to see Faith standing on the doorway.

“Parker, get the file and go back to the ER. If you need to sign anything ask Dr. Barnes, I’ll be right out.” She said and Peter obeyed, realizing Loki was there and he could cut the tension with a knife.

No one said anything until the boy left.

“What’s wrong? What are you doing here?” Faith asked quite puzzled. She knew it was something bad, by the stiff way he sat on the bench staring at her coldly.

He watched her for another minute before standing up, reaching inside his pocket and giving her the US pics. “This. This is what’s wrong.” He deadpanned, still looking at her.

Faith didn’t have to look at the pics to know what they were. She said nothing. Loki closed and locked the door, before he started pacing.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked. She remained silent. “Why? How could you hide this from me?” Loki came to a stop in front of her, but Faith could look at him and kept her eyes fixed somewhere in the wall behind him.

“I didn’t-” Faith sighed. Her ideas and thoughts were all over the place, tangled up in knots, just like her tongue. “I couldn’t- I didn’t know how…” She finally said in a little voice and dropped her eyes to the floor.

“I asked you, Ash.” Loki was mad. “I asked you if you were pregnant and you said no.” He said, anger tainting every syllable, even if the tone didn’t show it. “I deserved to know this. I deserved to be there when you got the US and I deserved to be there when you got your D&C.”

“You already talked to Steve then…” Faith crossed her arms on her chest.

“Please… please, help me understand this.” He asked. Faith was still facing the floor, biting her lip hard and taking deeps breaths to keep from crying.

She couldn’t find the words, or the place to start explaining anything.

“I don’t know, Loki. I just-” Faith started, blinking really fast in a useless attempt to keep from crying. “I didn’t know how to tell you. We’re--” She stopped again. “What are we?” Faith sighed, this time the tears sprung by themselves and she did nothing to stop them. “I freaked out to find out I was pregnant, and… I don’t know if Steve told you, but… It just didn’t feel- _right_.”

“You knew it was empty before you came to Steve?”

“I wasn’t sure, I just had a strong feeling something wasn’t right.” Faith rubbed her upper arm, feeling the exact same cold she felt before, like her insides had gone numb. “What was the point in telling you? There was nothing there.”

“But you didn’t know for sure. And still…” Loki started pacing again. “It was mine too… my- blighted ovum or whatever.”

In other circumstances, Faith would’ve found that statement really funny, but the look in Loki’s eyes made the phrase anything but.

“What are we, Faith? Apparently nothing.” Loki said, standing in front of her again. “Is it that you don’t wanna be with me?” Faith was certain she didn’t wanna answer that.

“How did you find these?”

“I didn’t… Sigyn did. She found them in between the cushions of the living room couch--”

Loki trailed off, as Faith’s head snapped up at hearing Sigyn’s name.

“Sigyn was in your apartment.” Faith said, not really a question, but a statement. “I wonder how she got in between the cushions too.”

Loki stepped back, his face going from a disappointed look to a nervous one.

“She- she dropped- That’s not the point! The point is that if it wasn’t for her I wouldn’t have found out about this!” He snapped, but Faith didn’t budge this time.

“Maybe you should go thank her, then.” Faith was the mad one now, out of sheer jealousy.

“Don’t turn this on me! I wasn’t the one who hid a baby!”

“There was NO baby, Laufeyson!” She said flailing the pics in front of his face. “There was no baby and you have no idea what that felt like!” Faith stopped again, wiping her face clean.

“If you’d have told me, I could have known! I’m not a fucking psychic!” Loki walked in circles, running a hand on his hair. “You didn’t have to deal with it alone! That was your own choice.” He said, this time viciously. “I- I’ll ask you again, is it that you don’t wanna be with me? At all?”

If Faith didn’t wanna answer that question 3 minutes ago, now she did. “Maybe I don’t wanna be with someone who sleeps with his ex while I’m working.” She said slowly, watching Loki’s face transform into a cold stare that matched hers. “We have- HAD no obligations to one another. I didn’t _have_ to tell you anything.”

Loki stepped back again, reading between the lines of her last sentence. He sure knew her well enough to read her right. “So this is it?”

“So it seems.”

The cold was back and Faith rubbed her arm in a nervous habit.

“Do I get an apology?” Loki said.

“I’m not sorry for not telling you, if that’s what you mean.”

Loki nodded again, biting on his lower lip, his face stoic. The rage, the disappointment, the anger… all of it was gone, and the hope of evolving into something more with Faith also gone. He didn’t say anything else and walked past her, leaving the room.

Leaving her.


	11. Here without you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beware of LOTS of tears.

Val was worried. She couldn’t focus more than 5 seconds in what she was doing and several times she forgot what she was supposed to write in the chart of the little baby squirming in the crib in front of her. After Loki’s phone call the day before, she had tried to reach Fatih with no success and Loki was ignoring her messages.  
She took a deep breath and decided to drop it for a minute, so she could get her concentration back. It sort of worked, and she finally left the clipboard back on its hanger by the crib, heading for the next baby.

The door creaked open then and for the first time in months, Val didn’t feel that sudden rush of warmness that anticipated Fandral’s arrival every morning. For the first time in months, she was actually waiting for someone else to come through that door. And at seeing who she was expecting to see, Val dropped the chart and nearly ran to the door.

“Faith!” She said, letting the other woman in. Faith’s face was pale and her eyes were red, with dark shades of purple around them.

“Morning…” Faith said in a raspy voice, sitting by the desk. Val rounded the table and sat by Faith’s side.

“First of all, you look awful, you should’ve stayed home. What happened?!” Val asked. Faith looked at her with a dry chuckle.

“I was working last night. I haven’t been home.” Faith rubbed her face and wiped her eyes. “It’s over. We- we broke up… or whatever that was.”

“I told you to talk to him.” Val said softly. “And I tried to call you when he told me yesterday, but I couldn’t reach you and--”

Faith took a deep breath, probably to keep herself from crying, even when the tears were coming out anyway. “He told you he found the pics, right?”

Val nodded. “Yes.”

“It wasn’t him.” Faith said with a shake of her head, already biting her lip. Val looked at her confused. “He didn’t find them. Sigyn did. In his apartment.”

“Sigyn? What-” Val sighed. “Oh no. He’s not, is he…?”

“I don’t-” Faith stopped to sigh and wipe her face. “He told me Sigyn was there last night and that she- she found them on the couch…” She trailed off.

“That little--” Val muttered and growled, and the took a deep breath, rubbing Faith’s back. “I’m really sorry this happened, I really am. He’s obviously just as hurt as you are…”

Faith shook his head. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“You’re wrong, Faith.” Val stated, biting her lip and hugging her friend. “You still have to see each other everyday. It’ll never stop being awkward, never stop being-” She sighed. “You’re obviously in love with him. And he loves you.”

“He doesn’t love me, Val. What we had-” Faith stopped again to sigh. What was it what they had again?

“Oh, please!” Val said nearly exasperated. “I KNOW the way you feel about each other. It’s not like--” Exasperated sigh. “He’s pissed off because he’s- he’s heartbroken that you kept secrets from him! Both of you should stop being stupid and talk. Really talk. And I’m not going to stop saying it until you get it through your head!”

Faith wasn’t in the mood to fight anymore, for anything really. She just sighed and dropped her head on the desk. She bit her lip hard, but that wouldn’t stop the crying, so all Val could see for a moment was Faith’s spastic back as she sobbed.

“I’m sorry Faith. It’s just… I won’t say anything else.” It was heart-breaking to see Faith like this. Crying. Val once thought it was impossible for Faith to cry.

“It’s okay, Val.” Faith stood up the, reaching for the sink to get some tissues and cleaned her face. “This is- is all my fault.”

“It’s no one’s fault that it happened.” Val said as comfort, but Faith knew better. This was in fact her fault.

“Thanks.” She muttered, calming herself a little. “I’ll just go home now.” She added, standing up and Val nodded.

“Good, take your mind off of everything. Try and get some sleep.” She said giving her friend another comforting hug before watching her walk out.

.-

Faith wasted most of the morning trying not to cry and failing, until she finally fell asleep. By noon, the alarm woke her up.

She didn’t really want to go to work, even if that afternoon she was working at the clinic and not in the OR, she definitely didn’t wanna see Loki and she didn’t want anyone asking anything. Faith dragged herself to the bathroom, to at least try and get a shower.

“For fuck’s sake I look like crap.” She muttered looking at the mirror.

No, she just couldn’t go to work like this. Her eyes were swollen, borderline purple and bloodshot. Her head was throbbing and she felt nauseated.

“Clint?” She spoke softly on the phone, trying not to sound nasal, though it would help.

“Ash! Hey… You sound sick.” Clint said with a small chuckle.

“I’m not feeling too well, so I’m gonna skip work this afternoon?”

“Huh… That’s funny.” Clint commented, rather amused.

“Why?” Faith croaked.

“Cause Loki is sick too.” Now the amusement was evident in Clint’s voice. Faith, on the other hand, felt like she wanted to puke.

“Is he?”

“Yeah, I’m kicking his ass home before he gets us all. You didn’t know?”

“I was working yesterday, Clint. I haven’t seen him.”

“Well, call him then, you probably caught the same bug or something.” Clint still thought everything was funny.

“Will do.” Faith lied, the last thing she wanted was to talk to Loki. “Now, would you cover for me? I mean, if you’re free.”

“Yeah, sure.” Clint said with a soft giggle.

“Take Parker with you, please.”

“Got it. Just get better soon…” 

“Tomorrow I’ll be fine. Thanks, Clint.”

Faith hung up and cuddled her pillow, tears welling up her eyes. Loki wasn’t sick and she knew it. He was feeling like shit, same as her. It wasn’t a nice thought and it didn’t make her feel better. In fact it made everything worse.

.-

Loki had been awake more hours than he could count. Since he got home last night, the only thing he did was to lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. If he fell asleep or not, he didn’t know. He knew he had cried though, once or twice the ceiling had become blurry, but he couldn’t muster enough energy to stop them, not even to wipe them off his face, no matter how much they tickled.

He had thought about not going to work, but decided against it at the last moment. Still, his swollen eyes and runny nose made Clint and Stark sent him home before his hours were over. Clint had even joked about catching the same bug as Faith, who had called in sick.

But she wasn’t sick and he knew it.

Back home, Loki’s brain felt like it had melted. He was used to overthink everything and now was no exception, but nevermind how many times he rolled the issue in his head, twisting and bending, trying to look for an explanation, he found none. He couldn’t understand what made Faith hide the pregnancy from him, whatever she had said.

He wanted to hate her, to blame her for everything, but he couldn’t. Somehow, everything came back to him: if he had been honest with her and told her how much he loved her maybe she wouldn’t have felt the need to lie. Maybe it was his fault too that the pregnancy had failed, maybe it was his fault she had gotten pregnant in the first place. Maybe he pushed too much, or lost track of the days, or hell knows what else.

No, he couldn’t blame her. If anything, this was his fault as much as it was hers.

Reaching that conclusion didn’t make things better, though. He was still mad for being kept in the dark and that’s what it hurt him the most. Loki still felt like he deserved at least an apology for her silence, but he also knew he wouldn’t get any. It was a matter of pride, who would break first?

Loki rubbed his face on the pillow, normally at this hour he’d get lunch or something to eat, but his stomach felt like a knot, so he didn’t even tried. Instead he rolled over on his bed, one fresh tear sliding down his nose as he sighed. His tired eyes closing on their own.

He finally fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this was sort of a filler chapter. Still wanted to make them suffer a bit.


	12. Speechless

How long had it been? 2 weeks? 3 weeks? Sort of… and it still felt like it had happened the day before. At least for Faith. She thought after a few days she’d be fine and after a few weeks things could possibly be getting better. But it wasn’t the case. It still hurt that Loki ignored her, that they weren’t talking to each other, except when necessary.  
Loki was still the only reason why Stark assigned laparoscopies to Faith and, as bad it was, she wasn’t gonna let this interfere with her job.

Faith had one hell of a headache that morning. Migraine. She hadn’t had a migraine in months, but when her hand and the left side of her face fell numb and the black spots danced in front of her eyes, she recognized the typical aura symptoms and knew what was coming. She was in the OR when this happened.

“Fuck.” She muttered, flexing her hand trying to get some feeling back on it. Loki looked at her questioningly. Faith didn’t say anything and focused in wrapping this up as fast as she could.

Once they did, she trudged to the ER to retrieve some meds and asked Clint to inject them in the OR lounge.

“You sure you’re okay?” Clint said as he pushed the analgesic into her vein.

“It’s just a migraine, Clint, I ain’t dying.” Faith said at the same time Loki got in and heard her. Clint looked at them both and decided he had to leave the room.

“I’ll take these.” Clint said, taking the needle and the empty vials, getting out quickly. Faith looked at her poked arm and anywhere but at Loki really, but she couldn’t stop her body from tensing up. It was the first time they were alone since it happened.

“You okay?” Loki asked.

“Like I told Clint, it’s just a migraine.” Faith said while looking at the floor. Loki nodded, even if she couldn’t see him. Then she stood up slowly, heading for the door, but when she tried to open it, she noticed Loki’s hand holding it closed.

Faith turned around to find Loki barely a few inches away from her and this time she couldn’t avoid looking straight into his eyes. It might have made her heart skip a beat too.

“What--?” She started, but never finished, as Loki’s lips interrupted her. A hard and painful kiss that trapped Faith against the door. Her mind didn’t react, but her body did, her hands resting on Loki’s chest, shaking and too scared to move elsewhere. Loki’s arms crept around her waist and fisted the hem of her shirt.

Why had Loki done this? He couldn’t tell exactly why. It probably included missing her and wanting her back, wanting to feel her close. He acted on an impulse, as if the feeling was stronger than him.

“We can’t--” Loki started, shaking his head and taking a step back.

“Is that what you told Sigyn before or after she found the US pics?” Faith interrupted him. Loki didn’t say anything. “That’s just the thing, isn’t it? No matter how much you want to blame it on me…”

“I’m not trying to blame you.” He said in a low tone.

“You still want me to apologize for something that I’m not sorry for.” Faith leaned on the door and crossed her arms on her chest. “Meanwhile, she was still in your apartment.”

Loki couldn’t think of any explanation. She was right, and he had already beaten himself up over that episode with Sigyn, wondering what would’ve happened if she hadn’t found the pics.

Faith sighed, unconsciously rubbing her forehead. “Great move, though.”

“What?”

“Well, you haven’t exactly talked to me in over two weeks. So why did you--?”

Loki looked at her blankly. “Go home, Ash.” He said. “Get some rest.”

“We still have one more surgery left.” Faith said.

“I know, but I also know what your migraines are like. You should go home and get some sleep.” Loki was the one avoiding her eyes now. “I’ll call upstairs to tell them know…”

“Right…” She said before hoisting herself off the door.

Loki walked back to the OR, Faith walking 5 feet behind him. He shouldn’t have done that; he should’ve stopped himself before doing it. It was stupid and pointless and a complete waste of time. But he couldn’t stop. No matter how much he tried to deny it and go against it, truth was that he needed her back… truth was that they both needed each other back, but pride and hurt would never let them admit it.

“Um… Dr. Ashley? You phone was ringing.” Peter said quietly and handed her the iPhone.

Loki picked up the patient’s chart and told the nurse to call upstairs to suspend the last surgery as Faith flipped through the device and dialed the missing call number.

“James?”

Loki dropped the chart.


	13. Maybe tomorrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which we're all Val xDD

Loki’s eyes were tattooed in Faith’s mind even a week later. The way he looked at her when he realized she was seeing James again. It might have lasted barely a second, but it was so full of disappointment that it wasn’t easy to forget. It felt even worse than the kiss he stole from her only minutes before. Loki’s attitude towards her had worsened since, reducing their contact to a cold stare and an overwhelming silence whenever they were together.

And since Faith wasn’t in the mood to give explanations to anyone, she found solace in the only person who could understand her will to maintain silence: James.  
After years of keeping each other’s secrets and having found themselves in situations they wouldn’t imagine sharing with anyone else, they had reached a wordless complicity that made them say exactly what the other needed to hear at the exact moment.

Despite their record, James was the only person Faith felt she could trust in.

“Faith?” James asked, waving his hand in front of her eyes.

“What?” Faith said, focusing on him. James chuckled.

“Clearly I’m talking to myself here.”

“I’m sorry, James.” She said with a shake of her head. James looked at her with that knowing smile that made Faith feel naked, but he didn’t say anything. “So, how are the twins doing?”

“Fine. Growing…” James took a sip of his coffee.

“How old are they already?” Faith asked, playing with her spoon and looked around at the small shop they were in.

“6 months.” James said with a sigh. “Natasha is fine, but if they keep growing at this rate, Steve said he might have to get them out early.”

Faith nodded. “Do you know the gender?”

“Yes. Two boys.” James said with a tiny smile. Faith smiled as well, she knew how much James liked kids and how ecstatic he was with having two at the same time. “And how are you doing?”

“I’m… fine, I guess.” Faith sighed, looking down at her melting ice cream.

“You’re not.” James stated. “No matter how much you try to hide it…” Faith rolled her eyes at him.

“Why do you even ask? You always say the same thing.”

“And if you know I know you’re lying, then why do you even bother?” He said rather amused. This was on old game between them. Faith shrugged.

“Maybe because I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“You never do. But maybe you _need_ to talk about it. Otherwise, why are we here?” James crossed his hands on the table and looked at Faith.

“It feels like crap, James. What do you want me to say? I haven’t been sleeping- my fucking migraines are back.” She said with a dry chuckle. “I hadn’t had a migraine since--”

“I know.” He quickly said, not wanting to recall that particular episode that had both of them at the brink of a breakdown.

“I feel so useless. Like I’m still carrying that- emptiness.” Faith shuddered.

“I thought you didn’t wanna get pregnant.”

“I thought that too. When I knew I was I freaked out, but when I found out I wasn’t, I wished I was?” Faith smiled a little despite of herself. “That sounds so ridiculous…”

“Not at all.” James said stroking the back of her hand.

“The thing is, despite everything else, there’s a part of me that wanted the baby and that’s the part that still can’t get over it.”

“And what about Loki?” James said staring intently. Faith bit her lip.

“What about him?” She said evasively.

“You miss him, Faith.” He stated.

“It doesn’t matter.” She shook her head, playing with her spoon again.

James decided not to push and she was grateful for it. Truth was, it did matter, but admitting it wouldn’t take her anywhere and it certainly wouldn’t help, so what was the point?

Faith’s phone interrupted the awkward silence. It was Val.

“Val?”

“Where are you? I’m standing right outside your building and my finger is going numb.”

“Geez!” Faith said with a chuckle. “I’m not at home right now.” She said looking at James as he finished his coffee and mouthed that he’d drop her by.

“Then get--” Val stopped. “You’re with James, aren’t you?”

“Look, just stay there. I’m coming…” Said that, Faith ended the call.

“She knows you’re with me, right?” James said with a smirk. Faith blinked a couple of times, not even wondering how he managed to read her so easily.

“Just- let’s go.”

.-

“Why are you seeing that asshole again?” Val asked, trudging behind Faith as they entered her apartment.

“I’m not seeing him!” Faith said, dropping her things on the couch.

“You obviously are. You were with him.” Val followed Faith into the kitchen.

“Val, it was just coffee.” Faith said raising an eyebrow.

“Coffee is where it starts, Faith. First you’re sucking espresso, and then his-- You KNOW what he’s like!”

Faith couldn't help but laughing out loud. “Oh my gods!” Then she rolled her eyes. “Yes, I know what he’s like… You don’t have to tell ME. I just- needed to go out.”

“Well then you should’ve called me! Ugh, just stay away from him. He’s manipulative and you’re vulnerable. You don’t need that right now.” Val said crossed her arms. Faith gave her a look and proceeded to pull out the mixer.

“You ask too many questions, Val. He doesn’t.”

“Because he doesn’t CARE.” Val said with a grumble. Faith just looked down and sighed.

“Whether you believe it or not, he does.” Faith said plainly.

Val rolled her eyes with a sigh. “Keep defending him, Faith.”

Faith hit the table with the glass she was holding and looked at Val. “So what? Are you gonna spend the rest of the night lecturing me about him?”

“Do what you want. You’re gonna do it anyway. Whatever, I’m done. Is that what you want? I’m done.” Val leaned back on the counter. Faith took a deep breath and rubbed her face.

“Look, I… I really don’t wanna start a fight over something as stupid as this, okay? Why does it bother you this much anyway?” She said reaching for the fridge and getting an ice bag and lemons.

“He treated you like shit and you’re turning to him because you wanna get back at Loki for what happened. But I told you. I’m done.” Val said, automatically cutting the lemons in half.

“I don’t--” Faith shook her head softly. “Okay, let’s talk about something else then. How’s Fandral doing? Still fucking half of the ped nurses?”

“That’s a really low blow, Faith.” Val pointed at her with the knife. “This is not about me. We are not committed to each other and not in love.”

“Neither were Loki and me.” Faith stated.

“But you _are_ in love. He LOVES you and you can have more if you wanted. I don’t have a choice. THAT’S the difference.” Val gave an annoyed huff and poured lemon juice inside the mixer.

“If I wanted to? And how exactly could I do that? Lying to him?” Faith said adding the ice and half a bottle of tequila.

“How about telling the truth?”

“I told him the truth, Val. He wants me to apologize and I’m not sorry for not telling him.”

“Then you both deserve to be unhappy. Honestly. Get over your pride or stop moping and feeling sorry for yourselves. You’re the only ones who can change the situation.”

The conversation ended with the loud screech of the mixer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have good news!  
> I could be spoiling you right now, cause I finished editing the story.  
> How often would you like me to update??


	14. A ghost between us

It was a well known fact that Val loved to rant. About anything and everything, she always had an opinion and it always was a lengthy one. And if someone gave her something stronger than a beer, this characteristic of hers usually got even worse.  
That’s what she was doing in this very instant, sitting between Faith and Loki, trying to force some sort of conversation between them, but both knew of her rants, so they simply let her talk by herself while they ignored each other.

Faith looked around the bar, the usual spot of after work release. A moment of peace when doctors and nurses could mingle and talk outside the hospital while having a drink or two. Too bad they always ended up talking about work and patients anyway.  
Today there was a lot of people in the bar, apparently one of the OR nurses was celebrating something. Faith was dragged here by Clint and Loki was dragged by Thor and neither of them wanted to be there in the first place.

Faith took a deep breath and yawned, playing with her straw and the ice at the bottom of her empty glass, placing her elbow on the table and supporting her head with her arm. Val was talking about something, but the words slipped from her brain leaving no trace behind. Until Val stopped with a gasp.

“Fandral!” She said in a loud whisper. “I didn’t know he’d be here!” She instantly started looking for a mirror in her bag, fixing whatever she could fix in the dim light. Loki and Faith turned in their seats to see Fandral standing by the bar and greeting someone. Then they locked eyes for a brief second and shrugged. After Val finished checking on her makeup, she took her empty glass as well as Faith’s and stood up. “Don’t go anywhere, I’m getting us more drinks.”

Faith rolled her eyes at Val and looked briefly at Loki, who was playing with what was left inside his glass. Awkward silence settled between them and something inside Faith itched for her to break it.

“Um…” She mumbled. “How have you been?” She asked in his general direction, not really looking at him.

Loki cleared his throat. “Uh, fine. And you?”

“I’ve been better.” Faith lowered her voice and took a deep breath.

“Yeah.” He knew, or at least Faith felt he had to know.

Faith looked at him again, the million things she would’ve liked to say choking in her throat. She looked around then, looking for something to change the subject. “Who brought you here? Thor?”

“Yeah,” Loki said stirring the ice in his glass. “He dragged me out. And was sort of intimidating about it too.”

Faith chuckled. “Clint was too… I was already in bed when he got there and literally pulled me out and made me get dressed.”

“We’ve got to get new friends,” Loki chuckled. “Ones that mind their own business.”

“Well, I ain’t getting those locked up in my own room, though.” Faith looked around at Val, who was happily chatting with Fandral. “Dammit.”

“What is it?”

“Val said she’d get me another drink.” She said pointing to the bar.

Loki rolled his eyes in his cousin’s direction. “Good luck getting it now,” He chuckled. “I could get it for you, if you’d like?”

Faith smiled shyly, kind of grateful for the darkness. “Sure. I’ll--”

“Raspberry Daiquiri… I know.” Loki said before standing up. Faith nearly went head to table after Loki walked away and took a deep breath, looking at him while he was away. She couldn’t help it, but still managed to look away as he came back. Smiling, Loki placed her drink in front of her. “Just how you like it.”

“Thanks.” Faith muttered shortly before gulping down nearly half of her glass in one take.

“Wow,” Loki laughed. “Maybe I should’ve brought you two.”

Faith chuckled. “Maybe… But I’ll tell you what, you finish that and I’ll get us the next round.”

Three rounds later, Val made it back to the table, huffing in annoyance, and sat again in between Loki and Faith. Both chuckled and giggled at her.

“What’s got your panties on a twist, cousin?” Loki asked as Faith covered her laugh.

“You know she doesn’t wear panties.” Faith said breaking in another giggle fit. Val glared at them.

“What the fuck is with you two? Half an hour ago you looked like shit!” Val said crossing her arms.

“It’s the alcohol…” Faith said, waving her empty glass. “Now, why aren’t you all over Fan-Fan?” Faith and Loki laughed again as Val shuffled in her seat.

“He’s preoccupied.” Val snarled, which caused Loki and Faith start laughing even harder, and even with Faith apologizing several times, Val grew angrier. “Shut up, both of you!” She snapped before standing up.

Val walked fast to the bathroom, a distinct pissed off look on her face. As Faith giggled at her friend, she looked around, catching Clint entertained with Laura, Thor entertained with Jane, and Stark entertained with… who was it this week? May? Or some OR nurse probably…

“I think we should take advantage of it.” Loki said, following Faith’s line of vision.

“What do you mean?” Faith asked, swallowing another giggle.

“My car is outside and these fuckers aren’t paying attention to what we do any more. Let’s get the fuck out of here.” Loki said standing up and holding his hand out to Faith.

“Can you drive?” Faith asked with a chuckle as she stood up.

“I’ll try…” Loki burst out laughing as both trudged to the exit unnoticed.

.-

Loki stopped the car outside Faith’s apartment and placed his head on the wheel.

“Are you okay?” Faith asked instinctively.

“I shouldn’t be driving!” He said with a chuckle, without looking up. Faith smiled a little.

“Um, wanna come up and get some coffee, then?” She said biting her lip, knowing that the alcohol induced haze was what made her brave enough to ask, still couldn’t make her look at him. Loki did though.

“Yeah… I guess it could help.”

Faith walked two steps ahead of Loki as they trudged to the building, he couldn’t help it, he wanted to watch her walk and even with the cool night air he could feel himself warming up at the sight. This was all a bad idea, it really was, he should turn around and leave right now… but he didn’t. Instead, he boarded the elevator right beside Faith, her arm barely half an inch away from his own. Loki tried to focus on the blank wall in front of him to steady his breathing, but his skin prickled and itched to touch her. It didn’t help that Faith was nearly panting, her heart pounding so hard that she was sure Loki could hear it.

Perhaps by coincidence they both decided to look at each other at the same time. Or perhaps coincidences don’t exist. Thing is the instant they locked eyes, they nearly jumped into each other, kissing and touching. Loki pressed Faith against the wall until a soft ding let them know they had reached her floor. Faith walked Loki back and out of the elevator, doing something between an awkward dance and an awkward walk to her door. Only then they stopped.

Faith turned around, struggling with her keys to open the door, but Loki’s lips on her neck and his hot hands venturing underneath her shirt got the best of her and she nearly lost it when he trapped her earlobe between his teeth, tugging lightly.

The door opened suddenly and Faith took Loki’s hand pulling him inside, before closing and locking the door, going back to kissing. This time, it was Faith the one walking backwards. First their shoes, then her purse and her hoodie, then Loki’s shirt, then her own shirt… the closer they got to her bedroom, less clothes they had on each other, leaving a trail from the living room. By the time Loki dropped Faith on the bed, immediately covering her body with his, they were skin against skin.

From then on, instinct took over. As neither of them was sober enough to think, they simply did what they felt like doing. Fucking away all the need, all the time apart, all the things they wanted. Fucking away all the rage, all the pain, all the frustration. Hands, lips, teeth and nails, tearing each other down over and over again to make up for the weeks they’ve been apart. Over and over again until they were a tangled and sweaty mess of limbs, reluctant to pull away from each other, cause they knew it would mean it was over. And it felt too fucking great to be over.

Panting, Loki was the first to roll over, leaving them both on their backs staring at the ceiling. They hadn’t uttered a word since they left the car, save for the moans and curses, and probably now it wouldn’t be a good time either. There was a gap between them, a vast empty space that the alcohol and lust had managed to diminish, but now that those things were gone the half a foot between them was as wide as the ocean.

Loki turned his back to Faith, snuggling the pillow, biting his lip to keep himself from rolling over and hug her to his chest. Little he knew that Faith, on the far side of the bed, wished nothing more than for him to do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do NOT condone DUI, just saying.  
> I just made them desperate enough xD
> 
> Also, this is my favorite chapter!!


	15. On without you

Faith had been awake for a while when she felt the bed move: Loki was awake. She heard him sigh and knew he was rubbing his face. The covers dropped exposing her back as he slid out of bed reaching for his clothes, but he had barely grabbed his underwear when he sat on the bed again, looking behind him... looking at her. Faith's back moved up and down as she drew in a big sigh and Loki realized she was only faking to be asleep.

He rubbed his face again trying to get rid of the hangover induced dizziness and Faith waited for him to stand off the bed to sit up, covering herself with the sheet and cuddling her knees to her chest, as she watched him pick up his abandoned jeans. Running a hand through his hair, Loki turned around and they looked at each other for a second.

"Morning." Faith said, looking away.

"Morning." Loki rubbed his eyes and looked away.

"How-how's your head doing?"

"Feels like someone's driving a nail through it. Yours?" He said looking around the floor for his shirt.

Faith smiled a little. "Pretty much the same..."

"So..." Loki stood in the middle of the room awkwardly, scratching the back of his head and still looking around the floor for his shirt.

Faith got off the bed. "Do you need an aspirin? I think I owe you a coffee too..." She said as she pulled on the first thing she found on the floor.

"Yeah, sure." Loki stared up at the ceiling while she got dressed.

"You wanna take a shower? I mean... there's-- your clothes are exactly where you left them." Faith changed into sweat pants and a shirt. Then she looked at him, kind of holding her breath.

"Oh. I forgot- well, ok."

Giving her a small smile, Loki walked past her and into the bathroom. Faith slumped on the wall and took a deep breath, trying to get her heart rate back to normal. She decided it was best to leave Loki there alone and trudged to the kitchen. Her head was thumping and her stomach probably wouldn't resist much food, but she still made toasts and coffee. Loki's stomach growled happily with the smell as he entered the kitchen, brushing his still damp hair with his fingers

"You didn't have to do this, but thanks." He said sitting by the table.

"It's nothing..." Faith sat opposite to him, playing with her spoon.

They sat awkwardly there while Loki had toasts and Faith merely played with her tea.

"So uh..." Loki was the first to break the silence with a dry chuckle. "Why is this so weird?"

"Probably cause we haven't talked in like… 4 weeks?" Faith said with a small smile, looking away from him.

"Right." He said pulling crusts off his toast and staring at his plate.

"I'm--" Faith started again, taking a big gulp of air. "I'm tired of it being awkward though... I kind of-- miss you." She trailed out, not sure if Loki had heard the last part.

He paused and looked up at her briefly. "Yeah, me too."

Faith nodded, still not looking at him and they fell into silence again. Loki swallowed coffee and took a deep breath.

“Look, about last night--” He started, but Faith shook her head.

“No, let’s not talk about it, okay?” She said. “I know you’ll say you’re sorry and that it was a mistake and that it doesn’t mean we can--” Faith stopped again, dropping the spoon on the table and rubbing her face. Loki just looked at her.

“I wasn’t going to say that...” He said.

Faith sighed. “So?”

“I...” He shrugged. “I don't think it was a mistake. But there are many issues we haven't worked through.”

“Yeah, you’re right about that.”

“So, I guess-- I guess we could... I don't know... Be-- friendly. At least.”

Why was it so hard to say it? Probably because it was a lie. And Loki had to hold his breath and thank the heavens that Faith wasn't looking at him.

"I-- I'd like that." She said looking down. "It feels weird to be in the OR with you and not fool around like we usually do, you know?" She added with a small smile.

Loki smiled as well. "I know what you mean. I guess we could make it less stressful."

Both chuckled at the same time, averting their eyes from each other. Faith was finally able to finish her tea and Loki killed the last toast. He stood up and brushed his hands on his pants.

"I think I should be going. Thanks for the breakfast."

"Think you can drive now?" Faith asked with a half smile, walking Loki to the living room.

"Haha, I think I can handle." He opened the door and looked at her for a second. "See you on monday."

Before he lost his nerve, Loki gave Faith a small kiss on the cheek, literally fleeing like a teenager after. Faith just stood frozen at the door until Loki was gone.

.-

Val wasn't picking up her phone. She was probably mad... Well, she had good enough reason to be mad since Faith and Loki bailed on her the night before. And being as sensitive (and petty) as she was, she was totally the type not to answer calls to let someone know she was upset. Faith wasn't surprised and after the 4th try, she simply left her apartment and headed for Val's place. Standing outside her friend's door, she was about to knock when the door suddenly opened and Faith was greeted not only by Val's beaming face, but also by another female smile.

"Sif?" Faith said surprised. Sif was one of the 5th floor nurses.

"Dr. Ashley!" The woman said, smile fading as Val turned a bright shade of red.

Faith watched them as they said goodbye to each other and Sif nearly sprinted down the stairs. Only then, Val let the other woman inside the apartment.

"So, Val... how have you been?" Faith asked amused as she dropped her bag on the couch and turned to look at Val.

"Well, as you can see, I made it home after you and my cousin ditched me." Val said, still red-faced, but wearing a cheeky grin that made Faith giggle.

"So I see..." She said as Val swooned and sighed, falling dramatically on the couch. "I'm guessing Fandral was also entertained elsewhere."

"Where was Loki entertained?" Val said rolling her eyes.

"Not with Fandral..." Faith pointed out, falling on the couch. Val sighed again.

"Hmm, we have that in common then." She smirked. "So what happened? What made you leave me all alone?"

"Seeing neither of us wanted to be there in the first place, we just escaped while our captors, meaning Clint and Thor, weren't looking." Faith explained. "And you were too pissed off at the moment to notice!"

"Well you could have at least SAID SOMETHING!" Val said, pouting and crossing her arms on her chest.

"You didn't waste your time though. How the hell did THAT happen?" Faith asked, interested. Val smiled a little too brightly.

"I bumped into her as I was coming out of the ladies' room and she got me a drink to make up for knocking my equilibrium off. She made me laugh, and when she talked to me, it was like I was the only girl in the room." As Val talked, she stared at the ceiling, sighing and swooning all over again. It made Faith laugh. "...and then she dropped me off. Or, well..." Val grinned.

"Do not need details of that part, thank you very much."

"Yeah, well. What can I assume you and my cousin were up to? You were drunk enough."

Faith sighed. "Let's just say he wasn't in fit condition to be driving and made it only to my apartment."

Val gave her a weird look and stood up, picking on some pillows and fixing them on the couch. "And so why are you here and not having a make-up sex day or some shit?" 

"Cause we didn't make up?" Faith suggested and Val groaned.

"Both of you are idiots!" She said, punctuating the last word.

"Not again." Faith muttered. Val gave Faith a hard glare.

"I'm NOT going to say anything else. I'm tired of trying to help you morons when you don't want to be helped. Besides, I have to pay attention to my own personal life if you haven't noticed. I haven't been with anyone else in a looong time, Faith. You and Loki are on your own now."

Faith shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Okay. Have it your way." She said stepping up. "Now, I didn't come to talk about Loki and I, though. I wanna go shopping and you look like you need new lingerie if you're paying attention to your own personal life."

"Great! You should have said so in the beginning, silly. I'm always up for shopping!" Val clapped excitedly, making Faith roll her eyes. "Let me get my purse!"

"Fucking mood swings..." Faith mumbled to herself while Val got ready to get out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Val is bi <3


	16. Nine crimes

After a couple of weeks, Faith could finally say things were getting less awkward. At last a change for all the stress they had been into. Faith was walking mind absently through the fourth floor, heading to see her patients (and thinking about Loki) when someone stopped her abruptly.

“What the fuck?” She said, startled, and turned a little red at seeing Loki himself in front of her.

“What’s going on between Val and Sif?” He asked seriously. Faith just blinked. “I know you know, so spill.” He insisted, crossing his arms.

“Why don’t you ask her?” Faith simply said, resuming her walk.

“Cause she isn’t talking to me. So I thought I’d bother you with it.” Loki followed her.

“I don’t know, Laufeyson! I think they’re dating… or fucking… or something in between. But she likes her enough and she seems nice.” Faith said with a shrug. Loki raised an eyebrow.

“I thought she was with Fandral.”

“No, he’s a fucking twat who treats her like trash. Sif is a good change.” Faith pointed out. “And why isn’t she talking to you?” She added standing outside her patients’ common room.

“Because… I might have been a little harsh when I asked her about Sif. And she said she had enough with one dad so I could talk to her once I stopped acting like it.” Loki trailed off and Faith laughed.

“Take her advice and leave her alone. She’s a big girl.” Said that, Faith patted Loki’s shoulder and turned to get inside the room.

.-

Fate has strange ways to test people and can be really cruel about it. Or at least, it was being cruel to Faith right now. After running into each other half of the afternoon, Faith was having coffee with James. The conversation had slowly turned into those subjects they only could talk about between them, innuendos falling on the table faster than they drank their coffees. Faith always played dumb in these situations, mostly cause she liked to manipulate the scene making James believe he was the one doing it. That’s why she had to swallow a giggle when James finally asked.

“Wanna go have a drink in my place?” He said, with that confident half smile that was so obvious to read.

“What is your wife going to say about it?” Faith asked, playing with her spoon.

James shook his head. “Natasha is at her mother’s house.”

“Oh.”

“She hasn’t been feeling too well and it was better to have someone looking over her until the kids pop.” James explained, trying not to look too stiff while saying it.

“I guess that settles it then.” She said with a half smile. She had learned to play James’ game ages ago and knew exactly what would happen.

Question was… was she going to go with it?

Apparently, yes.

.-

Having sex with James was like riding a bike. Something they learned long ago and still haven’t forgotten. Sometimes it was as pleasant as riding through the park and other times it was as exciting as riding down a hill. Often Faith felt like crashing after the downhill race, cause James had a girlfriend, who was later his fiancée and was now his wife. And still, she was the one in bed with him. But those feelings had long ago been forgotten, since she realized she didn’t care about James anymore, and simply liked having sex with him and particularly enjoyed the aftermath, when James would feel guilty, devastated and would swear over and over it was the last time he did this. Truth is, Faith had lost count of the times James had said the same thing.

This time was different though. This time she had another kind of guilt.  
A voice in the back of her head telling her that she was cheating on Loki and that was making her feel dirty. It didn’t make it better that every time she closed her eyes she wished with all her being to have Loki there with her instead of James.

That was Loki the one peeling her clothes off and kissing her exposed skin. That was Loki the one roaming his hands and lips on every corner of her body. That was Loki the one hovering over her--

“Stop.” Faith breathed out, pushing James’s shoulder away.

“What?” James panted.

“I can’t--” She said, sitting up and pushing him away, immediately collecting her clothes. James looked at her puzzled. “I’m not doing this anymore, James, is not fair. For anyone!”

“Faith…” James started, still confused. 

“I’m sorry, James, but…” She sighed. “This thing between us has gone for-- forever! I can’t do it anymore.” She explained at the time she pulled her clothes back on. James simply started at her from the bed. “It’s over.”

James chuckled dryly. “How many times have we said that?”

“How many times have I said that?” Faith asked back, reminding James he was the one who always said no and never kept his word. “I’m not you…”

“No…” He shook his head. “You’re better than me.” Faith rolled her eyes and put her shoes on. “You love him, don’t you?”

Faith looked at James. “I do.”

“I get it.” James said with a sigh and leaned back on the bed.

Faith stood uncomfortably for a while on the middle of the room. “I guess…” She muttered. “I’ll see you on Saturday.”


	17. Bend and break

Loki didn’t wanna be there. But it was Val’s birthday.

Actually, if Val wasn’t his cousin he wouldn’t have to endure at least a year of having this rubbed in his face and he would probably be at home, watching (or pretending to watch) television while trying to recall his last episode with Faith.

Faith wasn’t there either, which made his interest in the party diminish to just about non-existent. Of all days, Faith had to work that Saturday and the date of the party couldn’t be changed. (It was, after all, supposed to be a surprise party, even when Val knew about it two weeks before)

So there he was, plastering a smile on his face everytime someone got close to greet him, pretending to be alright and trying not to look too miserable. But he was failing horribly. Tired of having Val glare and nudge him everytime she had the chance, Loki scurried off to the balcony. Even after the beer he’d been drinking grew warm in his hand, he refused to return inside. Hell, if he wasn’t on the third floor, he probably would’ve tried jumping to escape.

“Caught you trying to escape, did I?” Val startled him.

“Third floor cousin. There’s no way I’m even trying!” Loki said with a chuckle.

“You’re not having much fun out here. Alone.”

“Well, I wasn’t having fun in there either.” He pointed out.

“Well thanks.” She answered with a dry laugh. “You did the right thing though, because if you hadn’t shown up I would’ve been mad at you forever. This way you only have to endure a few hours of torture.” She added with a smirk.

“I know, Val. That’s why I’m still here instead of attempting to climb down the walls and break my neck in the process.” He reciprocated the smirk. “But you’re having a good time...”

“I’m having a great time, actually.” She said not hiding the grin. “Are you disappointed your girlfriend couldn't make it?”

The smile automatically dropped from Loki’s face as he looked away and said nothing.

“That’s it, isn’t it?” Val sighed. “You know, I told Faith I’m staying out of this because both of you are dumb as doorknobs when it comes to each other. But this is ridiculous, Loki.”

“Doorknobs?” He snorted.

“Yes. They aren’t very smart, are they? If we didn’t have to turn them to enter a room, they’d be pretty useless.”

“I get your point. And I guess you’re right.” He said with a sigh. “This is stupid.”

“Very.” She agreed. “You both need to get over your pride and talk. And you should tell her you love her...”

Loki looked at Val then. “Am I that obvious?” Val gave him a meaningful look.

“Did you seriously just ask that? And she is too, I have no idea how the two of you can’t pick up on it when everyone else can.”

“Cause we’re doorknobs!” Loki said with a laugh that didn’t sound happy, but it made Val roll her eyes.

“You’re such a silly ass, Laufeyson.”

Loki sighed. “I don’t know, Val... I guess I didn’t-- WE didn’t wanna realize. And now that we do, we’re just-- too proud to admit it? I don’t know...” He ended up rubbing his face.

“You’re too old for pride, Loki.”

“Am I?”

Val nodded energetically. “So get over it.”

Loki contemplated the street for a while, following the car that passed by with his eyes, thinking, biting his lip and had a sudden rush of... something... something that made him come up with the stupidest and yet greatest idea of all. In a second his mood had completely changed from languid and bored, to eager.

“Mind if I leave? I really have to--”

“By all means, go.” She nudged him. “Maybe we can double date sometime.”

“Um, no.”

“Fuck you, Loki. Why not?”

“You talk too much! Haven’t noticed?”

“I do not. I only used to talk a lot because I was alone. And I didn’t have any business to keep me out of yours.” She said with a grin.

“Yeah, well, go get your mouth entertained with Sif.” Loki said as they both walked back inside. “I seem to have something to do, don’t I?”

“Yes, yes you do. So both of you idiots can stop moping around.” His cousin said, following him.

Loki rolled his eyes and stood by the door, looking at Val. “Thank you.” He said before leaving the apartment.

.-

Loki took a deep breath at the end of the stairs. He was already here and he couldn’t back out now, right? Yeah, he had to talk to her and he had to do it before he lost his nerve. Encouraged by Val’s words about Faith’s feelings, Loki had sped to the hospital. The sooner he got that out of the way, the better. He took the steps by two and entered the ER doctor’s lounge to find Peter sitting by the table, having a soda.

“Hey, Parker.” Loki said and the boy looked at him.

“Dr. Laufeyson, hi.”

“Um, where is Dr. Ashley?” Loki asked at the same time one of the bedroom doors opened, James walked out. For one brief second, Loki panicked, thinking Faith would follow. But that didn’t happen and James was there alone.

“Uh, she said she’d be up?” Peter said, kind of confused. James just looked on and Loki half smiled.

“Did she say ‘upstairs’ or just ‘up’?” Loki insisted. Peter took a second to think about it.

“Just up.”

“The rooftop.” James and Loki said at the same time and that bubbling jealousy so familiar in Loki’s chest was burning his insides again. Both looked at each other blankly.

“Yeah, she likes heights.” Loki said, while Peter looked the awkward scene rather uncomfortable.

Shaking his head, Loki walked away.

“Good luck, Laufeyson.” James said, making Loki turn on his heels and look at him confused. James just gave him a head nod Loki reciprocated.

Somehow, in his head, that simple gesture made him feel a little safer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't you just wanna smack their heads together?? Val does.


	18. What about now?

Faith was sitting on the edge of the building, one of her legs hanging down, the other bent under her body. She was just staring out into the night, it wasn't late and the night was quiet so far. Very unlikely for a saturday, but she wasn't complaining.

The door creaking softly didn't alarm her, as she thought it was the wind, but when she heard the unmistakable sound of footsteps tapping on pavement, Faith turned around.

“Hi.” Said Loki, hands in his pockets.

“Hi.” She said, looking at him quite confused. “Why aren’t you at Val’s?”

“Um…” He started, but stopped suddenly at realizing where Faith was sitting. “Oh, my God! Get the fuck away from there!” He said, flailing his arms, but refusing to go anywhere near the edge.

Faith giggled. “Okay, calm down! It’s not like I'm planning to jump.” She joked, standing up and walking somewhere safer. Loki sighed and they fell silent for a moment. “What are you doing here?”

“Um… I had- I-” He sighed again. “We need to talk, Faith.”

“Now?”

“Yes, now. I… It has to be now.” Loki stated and it seemed like he wanted to convince himself of that. “I was at Val's party and- I don't know…”

Faith just looked at him. Loki took a deep breath.

“I can't do this anymore, Faith. I miss you… Actually, I love you.” He exclaimed. “And all this time I've been a wreck, thinking that something I did or didn't do was what made you lie in the first place. All this time I've tried to blame you and hate you and I can't.” He stopped to breath and paced. “I love you and I wanna be with you. For fuck's sake! I wanna marry you!”

Loki came to a stop right in front of her and held his breath.

“I slept with James.” Faith blurted out and Loki kept holding his breath, like he had forgotten how to breathe. “Or, actually, was going to and then didn't…” She tried to explain. “I mean… I couldn't--” Faith swallowed. “I couldn't because of you.”

Only then Loki released all the air he had inside his lungs. Faith bit her lip.

“I couldn't--” She started again. “I love you, Loki. And every single second I was with him, I wished he was you, I wished you were there… and you weren't.” Faith confessed, crossing her arms on her chest and rubbing her upper arm.

“So you've been seeing him since we-?” Loki flinched.

“Oh,no.” She shook her head violently. “I just needed someone to vent… I guess he wasn't the wise choice after all.”

They stayed in silence for moment.

“Why didn't you tell me about the baby, Faith?” Loki spoke slowly.

“How could I?” She rubbed her face. “How could I tell you anything if I didn't get it myself? Tell you that part of me wanted the baby and the other half was terrified? How could I tell you if that meant admitting I had feelings for you? That I--” Faith stopped to wipe the single tear that escaped her will not to cry. “I was scared. Scared to find out you didn't feel the same…”

Loki shook his head and said nothing.

“I'm still not sorry for not telling you, but I am sorry we had to go through all this to finally be honest with each other…” Faith added in a lower voice. “I guess- that's what you wanted to hear?”

Loki shook his head again. “I just wanted to tell you the truth. And wanted to hear the truth from you.” He chuckled dryly. “Even if I don't like all of it.”

Faith immediately knew he was talking about the James part. “I know that was a mistake. And I also know I won't be going back there.” Loki gave her a skeptic look. “I mean it, Loki. There's nothing left there for me.” She sighed. “I know it’s kind of hard to understand, but… almost having that last- thing…” Faith stopped again and wiped more tears off her face. “That's it. It wasn't smart, but it was what had to happen for me to be able to turn around.”

Loki nodded silently, still kicking the floor. “Well, I’m not really innocent in that department either, am I?”

“Probably not.” She said, rolling her eyes.

“Just--” He sighed. “Nothing happened that night with Sigyn, Faith. She found the US pictures before anything could happen. And I’m sort of relieved she did, even if it was by pure chance.”

“So what now?” Faith asked. “We go back to try and be friends or simply be over with all of this and I get a job ot the other side the country?” She said only half joking.

Loki smirked, but she didn't see him. “You shouldn't be asking that, Faith.” Slowly, he walked close to her. Before she could say anything, he held her arms and kissed her. “How about starting over?” He whispered, wiping her face with his thumb.

“I like that idea.” Faith said with a small smile cracking on her face.

Loki smiled and kissed her again, holding her close. “I missed you so much… so much.”

“I missed you too.” Faith said, clinging to his neck. “Oh, fuck, why did you have to choose today to do this?” She giggled and looked at him.

“What do you mean?” Loki asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Because I can’t go home!” Faith pouted. “And we can’t have amazing make up sex all night.”

Loki laughed loudly, pulling her close again and placing his forehead on hers. “Tell you what. I’ll pick you up in the morning…” He said kissing her neck softly. “…and we’ll have amazing make up sex all day, hmm?”

“Mmm… I like the sound of that.”

“One condition though.” Loki released Faith and looked a little more serious. “I… I want you to reconsider-- switching days.” He said biting his lip. “Just- just think about it.”

“I will.” Faith said with a nod. “I’ll switch days so I don’t have to work with James anymore.”

“Really?”

Faith nodded again. “Yeah. I’ll ask Thor or Clint. You were right about that too… I should’ve done it a long time ago.”

Loki smiled.

.-

True to his word, Loki picked up Faith next morning and took her to his apartment, where a full breakfast followed by a nice warm bubble bath were waiting for her. Loki even admitted to get up at seven, just to have things ready for her. Faith thought it was cute, cheesy, but cute.

“When are you gonna get rid of this hideous thing?” Faith said, walking out of the bathroom wrapped in a very ugly dark green paisley robe. For some reason Loki loved that robe and refused to throw it away.

“Right now I’m not very fond of it.” Loki said kneeling on the bed, eyes dark with lust. “It’s keeping me from seeing you...” He said, pulling on one of the strings, dragging Faith close. She giggled.

“Aw, you were waiting for me naked? How thoughtful of you.” She said, caressing his shoulder and kissing him.

“Saves time, you know?” Loki whispered, peeling the robe off her body and letting it fall on the floor before trapping her waist in his arms and lie Faith down on the bed.

Having sex with Loki was special. There never was a learning process, a getting to know each other. Their whole relationship started with a few drinks and a casual fuck, but somehow both knew exactly what to do and when to do it to drive each other crazy. There was something special about all being driven by instinct, by the fact that if you asked them, they couldn’t say either. It was one of those things that just _happened_.

And it happened several times that morning, until exhaustion got the best from Faith (after all, she had been working the night before). Loki didn’t care, though, he was just as happy to hold her in his arms, knowing this time she was his, and watch her sleep until he fell asleep too.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Say it with me: FINALLY!!!
> 
>  


	19. Hanging by a moment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beware of SO MUCH FLUFF!

Val was humming a song and smiling while scribbling on the daily chart when she heard someone come inside the changing room. Through the glass, she saw Faith getting off Loki’s back and she raised an eyebrow at the couple as they entered.

“Hello, cousin!” Loki said, holding Faith’s hand. Val chuckled.

“Well this is new.”

“Yeah, don’t act so surprised!” Faith said.

“After all, you made this happen.” Loki added.

“How did I help? By giving up and letting you two dummies figure it out on your own?” Val said, balancing the clipboard on her hip.

“By being an insisting little bitch. After all, what do you think I did after I left your birthday party?” Loki smiled sweetly.

“I thought you would pussy out, to be honest, but I was HOPING that you’d tell Faith that you loved her and had make-up sex all night.”

“Well I was working that night, so the make-up sex had to wait till next day.” Faith kissed Loki’s cheek and Val laughed. “Anyway, we didn’t come to discuss out make-up sex day, as good as it was… Loki said you mentioned a double date with you and Sif and since he’s been bugging me 24/7--”

“Snitch!” Loki interrupted her, but Faith ignored it.

“--24/7 about details I thought it was a good idea.” Faith finished and Val glared at Loki

“Didn't I tell you to mind your business?” She said, hands on her hips. Loki rolled his eyes. “But I'm sure we can manage that.” She said to Faith.

“Great! I think this weekend we’re off. I’ll call you later so you can tell Sif, okay?” Faith said.

“Sure will. And you better not fucking embarrass me, Loki Laufeyson!” Val gave her cousin the pointy finger. Loki opened his mouth to speak, but Faith pulled his hand.

“He’ll behave, don’t worry.” Faith assured Val. “Now, we have to go work. Call you later!”

Loki gave Val a look and followed Faith back to the changing room, only to see Fandral getting in.

“Hey guys.” Fandral said with a voice that didn’t sound like his at all.

“Doctor Levi.” Val said fixing her eyes on the chart. Loki looked at both and pushed Faith outside.

“Obvious tension there...” He muttered once they were outside.

“Nothing more than he deserves.” Faith stated, shooting glances backwards as they walked away.

.-

Loki was driving Faith back home after the double date they had with Sif and Val. Surprisingly, the dinner had been pleasant, Loki behaved himself, didn't ask too many out of place question and Val wasn't going to kill him, except on the part where he informed Sif about Val's teddy bear actually being the hiding place of her vibrator.

"At least my first wet dream wasn't about our school's 57 years old librarian." Val said as revenge and Loki shut up.

Turning the engine off outside Faith's building, Loki took a deep breath.

"Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow." Loki said awkwardly. Faith giggled.

"Way to sound like an adolescent, Laufeyson." Faith teased, taking his hand in hers and leaning to kiss him. Loki kissed her back.

"Come home with me." Loki whispered.

"Told you I have things to do tomorrow, that's why I can't-" Faith explained, but Loki shook his head.

"I mean permanently, Faith." He said stroking her cheek and looking into her eyes. "Move in with me."

"Are you sure?" Faith asked, not smiling now, as she was a little thrown off by the request.

"Why wouldn't I be? We spend most of the week at each other's place anyway." Loki said, playing with her fingers. "I figured out it would be nice, you know? Saves trouble when one of us has to pick up clean clothes and saves gas too." Loki half smiled and Faith rolled her eyes.

"Always oh-so-practical." Faith giggled.

"I want you there every morning, okay? I wanna wake up with you every day." Loki looked into Faith's eyes this time.

.-

Two weeks later, Faith was emptying her apartment. Some things were thrown away, some of them would be stored and the others were being loaded on Clint's SUV to be taken to Loki's place. As Clint took the last box left down stairs, Faith grabbed her backpack and sighed, looking around the empty apartment.

"You okay, cousin?" Val said with a chuckle.

Faith rolled her eyes. "I'm fine. This is just a little weird, you know?"

"Why? You're getting a bigger apartment with boyfriend included." Val sang.

Faith looked at her friend and nodded. Truth was, she was used to live alone and part of her was terrified to share her vital space with someone else. Specially when it was someone she didn't wanna screw things up with.

"He’s terrified too, you know?" Val got close to Faith a rubbed her shoulder. "He cleaned the whole house twice yesterday, just cause you were coming."

"How'd you-?" Faith asked, looking at Val.

"Because! You're so like my cousin that I'm convinced you're meant for each other. So stop worrying so much." Val soothed, grabbing a bag from the floor. "Now, let's go. I'm getting hungry and Sif is going to pick me up for lunch." She added, linking Faith's arm and leading her out.

When they arrived to Loki's apartment, Faith realized everything was shiny clean and smiled at remembering what Val had told her. Loki had cleaned, vacuumed and dusted the house thoroughly. He even had made space for her in the main closet, thing she thought it was impossible cause Loki had a tendency to never throw things out. When everything was settled, Faith fell on the bed, with Loki by her side.

"I have one last thing for you." Loki said, kissing Faith's nose.

"Really? Besides the king size bed and my own get-the-fuck-away-from-me room?" She chuckled.

"Yes." Loki searched in his pocket. "Close your eyes." Faith shook her head, but did as told. Loki took her hand and put something in her palm.

"What-" She said, looking at her hand to find a key ring with two colored keys.

"Apartment." He pointed at the pink key. "Front gate." He pointed at the purple key. "Home. Our home." Loki said, kissing her softly.

"You've spent too much time with your cousin."

"Maybe." Loki chuckled. "But now you have to live with it."

And maybe Faith wanted to.

 

fin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have come to the end! A very happy and fluffy and completely filler-chapter end.  
> Thank you for sticking up with Faith and Loki to the end, even if you wanted to smash their heads together for most of the story xD  
> Thank you for your kudos/comments/feedback, and you're invited to check on my other stories!

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is always appreciated!  
> You can also yell at me on my [tumblr](http://fadingcoast.tumblr.com/) and/or [twitter](https://twitter.com/FadingCoast)!!


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